


A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes

by Nervousmilkshaketrash



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Dragon Age Inquisition, Enemies to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers to Enemies, Eventual Female Lavellan/Solas (Dragon Age), Eventual Smut, Female Lavellan - Freeform, Fenris in Dragon Age: Inquisition, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Grumpy Fenris (Dragon Age), Happy Fenris (Dragon Age), MGiT, Mabari, Modern Girl in Thedas, Multi, Oracle - Freeform, Pets, Sera (Dragon Age) Swears, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Solavellan, Solavellan Hell, Stupid modern girl in thedas, Swearing, Very Good Dogs, female mage inquisitor - Freeform, like really slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:29:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 38,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26588170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nervousmilkshaketrash/pseuds/Nervousmilkshaketrash
Summary: For this modern girl in Thedas, she's surprised that her lucid dreaming turns out to be not so lucid after all. My take includes a Lavellan that isn't the sharpest tool in the toolbox, but that will still try to change the course of history for the better. She will start off with Solas, but end up with Fenris. And since she's a free woman from the 21 century, she might dabble into other relationships in the meantime.@Edmundforpresident is my amazing beta and I love them very much!I update 1-3 times a week, sometimes more!Steamy parts begins in chap 15 ;)
Relationships: Cremisius "Krem" Aclassi/Female Lavellan, Female Inquisitor/Fenris, Female Inquisitor/Sera, Female Inquisitor/Solas (Dragon Age), Female Lavellan/Sera, Female Lavellan/Solas, Fen'Harel | Solas/Female Lavellan, Fenris/Female Lavellan (Dragon Age), Male Hawke/Merrill, Reader/Solas
Comments: 8
Kudos: 57





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [A Whole New World](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7052848) by [RogueLioness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RogueLioness/pseuds/RogueLioness). 



> I only have to attend uni once a week so I have too much freetime on my hands. Am currently playing through the game as I write this, but I will take certain liberties of course. Let me know if you have any prompts or anything you wanna read about!
> 
> Kudos and comments are much appreciated!!
> 
> This fic is inspired by RogueLioness' "A Whole New World" and basically every fic she's written in the Dragon Age Universe because I love her.
> 
> https://pin.it/20A595y Pin Board of my In game Inquisitor!

The first thing I noticed was how cold the ground was. The second was the awkward position I was sitting in, caused by the cuffs around my hands that were bolted to the floor. I blinked in confusion before the realization set in. I was lucid dreaming. I had been doing a lot of that lately, but I couldn’t remember instigating this one. I didn’t have to prompt it, but I hadn’t had a natural lucid dream in a while. They were usually more fun. My brain often placed me in more imaginative situations than when I controlled it.

These surroundings however, looked vaguely familiar. I couldn’t put my finger on it until the doors to my dungeon-looking space were thrown open and a certain favourite game character of mine came into view. Namely seeker Cassandra Pentaghast from the world Thedas in the game of Dragon Age Inquisition, my favourite video game. She was accompanied by Leliana, a character I was never quite sure whether I liked or not. 

I’d often tried to procure this lucid dream, but never managed to meet Cassandra. She was really hot in person. Way more attractive than what the game had made her, and the game version of her had been really pretty. Bun irl, or in-real-lucid-dreaming-life Cassandra made my mouth dry. I’d let her stomp on my neck. 

I’d _met_ Solas. Technically, I had happened to fuck his wolf self in the fade, within a wolf form of my own of course. I wasn’t an animal fucker. I hadn’t intended on us being wolves, but my lucid dreaming brain often had a mind of its own. We hadn’t even talked. Me being a huge ass nerd was the only reason I was positive it was Solas, and in the fade.

“Hello? Can you not hear me?” 

Cassandra said in that wonderful accent of hers, waving a hand in front of my face and effectively snapping me out of that weird memory. 

I blinked and looked up at her and Leliana. “Sorry. What’s up?” Before they had the chance to question my phrase, a pain shot through my hand, burning annoyingly realistic for my taste. So this wasn’t a lucid dream where I could control physical aspects. Great. This game had a lot of physical aspects I wasn’t too keen on experiencing. 

I gritted my teeth, convincing myself that this was a freaking dream and that if I ignored the pain, it would go away. 

“Tell me why we shouldn't kill you now. The Conclave is destroyed. Everyone who attended is dead. Except for you."

Despite myself, I raised my brows. It was strange not having the dialogue wheel in front of me. For the Dragon Age die hard nerd I claimed to be, I couldn’t remember a damn thing of what the inquisitor had the options of saying. 

Apparently, I hesitated for too long, cause Cassandra went on to the next line. 

"Explain this!"

She grabbed my manacles, holding them up as the anchor flared to life again, which hurt despite my previous best effort at wishing it away.

Putting on my best game face, pun intended, I decided to play along for as long as this dream lasted. I hoped I’d get to see all the other characters before I woke up. My alarm was on pretty early, a poor attempt at fixing my sleep schedule before school started. Maybe I’d be lucky and sleep through it so I could stay here long enough to close that first rift?

Back to the dialogue, it didn’t take a genius to see that I couldn’t let on that I knew exactly how the anchor had found its way into my hand and what had happened at the conclave. If I did that, I had no idea what would happen next.

I sank further into the cold floor and sighed. 

“I can’t. I… I don’t remember.” 

I wasn’t a great actor, but what I said wasn’t necessarily a lie. My lucid dreaming had taken me right to this cell.

“What do you mean, you can't?”

Cassandra exclaimed. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Leliana sizing me up. She was scarier in-real-lucid-dreaming-life. Super calculated. I know she had to be. But seeing it with my own eyes, and not through a screen was eerie. 

“I can’t remember! I don’t know what this is or how it got there or even being at the conclave!” 

Now, that might be taking it a step too far. But I had no idea what version of inquisitor I was yet. I couldn’t remember all the different reasons the different races of inquisitors had for being there or whether they were secret or not. I usually chose being an elf.

“You’re lying!” 

Cassandra moved for me, as if she were to hit me, but Leliana thankfully stopped her. I had flinched anyway, not remembering this part from the game. 

“We need her, Cassandra.” 

Calculated and scary she might be, but Leliana had just saved my ass from being handed to me. 

“Whatever you think I did, I’m innocent.”

I said, suddenly remembering that line. 

They looked sceptical, but at least Cassandra didn’t make another attempt at hitting me. 

“Go to the forward camp, Leliana. I will take her to the rift."

Cassandra ultimately said. Leliana hesitated only for a second before she nodded and left. 

“The rift?” 

I asked, hoping it would spur her on. I’d been in this dream a while already and wanted to speed things up. 

Cassandra sighed and helped me to my feet, replacing my manacles with rope. 

“It will be easier to show you.”

She led me outside. The bright light of the rift blinded me after being in that dim dungeon, which consequently made me sneeze. Cassandra threw me a look, probably expecting a different reaction. The rift kinda looked like the northern lights on crack. As if someone had wanted to paint the sky and spilled their paint bucket over it by accident. Kinda cool though, I had to admit. My lucid dreaming brain was working overtime today. 

“We call it the Breach. It's a massive rift into the world of demons that grows larger with each passing hour. It's not the only such rift, just the largest. All were caused by the explosion at the conclave."

Cassandra explained. 

“Shit.”

She didn’t look pleased about my profanity, but I was spared a lecture. I know the inquisitor was supposed to say something else, but it just slipped. To be honest, I thought it was a legit reaction. 

“Unless we act, the breach may grow until it swallows the world."

The breach flared in sync with the anchor, making me drop to my knees in pain. Motherfucker that hurt! The pain was indescribable. It was like plunging my hand in ice cold water that was simultaneously on fire. It hadn’t seemed _that_ painful in the game, which Cassandra fortunately reminded me of why was. 

“Each time the Breach expands, your mark spreads... and it is killing you. It may be the key to stopping this but there isn't much time."

I had forgotten about that little detail. I couldn’t just go exploring Haven in this dream, not without being able to control whether I felt pain or not. 

“I don’t really have a choice about this, huh?”

I asked, trying to shake the lingering pain in my hand. 

“None of us has a choice.”

Cassandra replied. Our eyes locked, and I almost blushed at the intensity of it. A tik tok sprang to mind, and I had to hold back a giggle. This moment was perfect for the “Are we about to kiss right now?” sound. If only I had a phone to record it.

She was taller than me, so I couldn’t be a qunari, but she wasn’t that tall that I could be a dwarf. That left human or elf. Regardless of Thedas’ history of treating elves less than great, I still kinda wished I was an elf. 

The moment came to an end, and Cassandra started pulling on the rope, escorting me through Haven. Most of the villagers scowled at me. Even the nice ones I remembered interacting with. That kinda stung. 

“They have decided your guilt. They need it. The people of Haven mourn our Most Holy, Divine Justinia, head of the Chantry. The Conclave was hers. It was a chance for peace between mages and templars. She brought their leaders together. Now, they are dead."

I couldn’t help but frown.

She pulled out a dagger and cut the ropes around my hands, again locking eyes with me in that way that made it way more gay than it probably needed to be. Not that I complained. My crush on Cassandra was a fact at this point. 

“There will be a trial. I can promise no more.” 

“Thanks.”

I didn’t quite know what to say, but a thanks seemed adequate. I rubbed the skin around my wrists. I was starting to think I’d actually wake up with angry red lines around them, as there were now. 

“Come, it’s not far.”

Soldiers opened the gate at the edge of town for us and we stepped through. 

The bridge was covered with rubbles, crates, chantry sister tending to wounded soldiers, corpses and the like. It was as if taken out of a war scene if I had ever seen one, which I kinda hadn’t. Neither in real life, nor in-real-lucid-dreaming-life. On screen this scene had seemed inconsequential. But seeing it, hearing it, smelling it, unfold in front of me was something wholly different. I swore I could smell the fear and dread in the air, along with blood and death. Cassandra ushered me casually through it, naturally used to scenes like these. 

“Open the gate! We are headed into the valley!”

She commanded. To which the two soldiers at the end of the bridge, guarding the gate, reacted by nodding and opening the door to another horrid scene. 

There were so many dead people. People with horrible looking wounds and heart wrenching expressions on their faces. As if they’d seen the devil. Which they sorta had. They’d been killed by demons coming through rifts. Some of the corpses were even on fire. The game never seemed as grim as the reality I was presented with. I was starting to suspect this dream was becoming a nightmare and I wasn’t sure I wanted to see it through. This would be a great time for that 06.00 alarm to wake me up and take me out of Thedas.

“Maker, it's the end of the world!" 

The shout came from a soldier running the opposite direction of where Cassandra and I were headed. I closed my eyes harshly and tried to wake up, unsuccessfully so.

Cassandra nudged me along and I had no other choice but to follow her. 

We didn’t manage to run that far until my hand flared up again, forcing me to the ground. Cassandra quickly helped me up. At least the pain in my hand was distracting me from how bruised my knees had to be by now.

“The pulses are coming faster now. The larger the Breach grows, the more rifts appear, the more demons we face."

“That’s just.. fantastic.”

I uttered as we moved on, passing another scene, this one with a burning wagon and dead soldiers holding on to each other. I quickly diverted my eyes. It was just a dream. A nightmare. 

She looked at me quizzically. 

“Can you truly not remember anything? They said you... stepped out of a rift, then fell unconscious. They say a woman was in the rift behind you. No one knows who she was. 

Everything farther in the valley was laid waste, including the Temple of Sacred Ashes. 

I suppose you'll see soon enough."

I was about to answer with something the inquisitor would have said when I realized where we were. That bridge that collapses. Fuck.

The bridge is hit by what looked, and felt, like a goddamn meteor. The soldiers that were standing in the middle of the bridge are crushed to death while Cassandra and I are lucky enough to simply tumble off and onto the frozen river below.

I hit my elbow so hard I was almost sure it broke, but the Breach stole the attention by spitting out another meteor which hit the frozen river a short distance in front of us. A shade formed in a pool of green light. It was a nasty thing. Looked like a mix of a lord of the rings nazgul and a zombie. If only the rest of its body were covered by the cloak like the nazgul, it surely would be less frightening. 

“Stay behind me!”

Cassandra yelled before lunging towards it, attacking it with her sword. I rubbed my possibly broken elbow and watched her in admiration before the second shade formed and then came at me. 

Shit! I turned to where I remembered there being a weapon, and was very happy it was a staff! I had no skills with either a bow or sword. Magic didn’t look that difficult! But I was about to find out whether that was true. 

I turned around and jerked the staff ;) with intention in the direction of the shade. It was hit with fire, and I repeated the action until it died, or whatever it was shades did. 

“It’s over.”

I said, pretty pleased with my accomplishment. I looked appreciatively at my staff, only looking back up at Cassandra when I saw the sword she pointed at me. Seriously Cassandra? I knew it was canon, but it still disappointed me. I was taking this more personal than I should. It was only a dream and I’d played this game way too many times to be surprised by anything that happened. 

“Drop your weapon. Now!”

I sighed. 

“It’s not like I need a staff.”

I reminded her. I was a mage. Not that I had any idea how to wield magic. But Cassandra didn’t have to know that.

"Is that supposed to reassure me?"

Thedas’ issue with mages was annoying.

“I haven’t used my magic on you yet.”

Cassandra sighed, and sheathed her sword. 

“You’re right. You don’t need a staff, but you should have one. I cannot protect you, and I cannot expect you to be defenseless."

With a thought, she added. 

“I should remember you did not attempt to run."

Auch, I thought. But didn’t comment as Cassandra led the way. 

It was freezing and whatever shoes I was wearing were terrible for running on ice, I’d be better off with ice skates. How did the people of Thedas avoid breaking their femur running in conditions like these?

We passed another dead soldier that I remember you were supposed to loot in the game. It didn’t feel right doing it now. 

It took a solid hour to get to the forward camp, way longer than it took in the game. It could possibly be related to how out of shape I was. I mean, I was in better condition than I personally could ever remember being in, in this dream character body. But we were like full on sprinting. I couldn’t ever remember running for this long, occasionally fighting and also… Stairs. So many fucking stairs. By the time we got to the camp, I was so out of breath that I forgot for a second who I was about to meet. 


	2. Meeting the gang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lavellan meets the gang.

Cassandra lunged into the fight, seemingly not even bothered by our run. I followed after a couple of seconds. I wanted to get close to Solas and Varric, but there were shades between us, so I spun and twisted and slammed my staff, firing off fire and shock spells that I was immensely grateful hit their targets instead of my future companions. Somehow my staff knew who I wanted to hit, very fortunate. The fight was over pretty quickly and before I even looked for Solas, I heard him call out.

“Quickly! Before more comes through!”

He stepped close and grabbed my hand, thrusting it towards the small rift. It hurt, but not as bad as when it had flared earlier. 

When the rift was closed, he stepped away and I gazed down at my hand in wonder before I looked up at him. The dread wolf, Solas. A character I had met in dreams before, but without seeing his real face. The game had done him so dirty. He was way hotter in person. Damn. I felt my face blushing slightly at the thought of what we had done in those previous dreams. I wondered if that dream world was connected to this one. And if so, would he recognize me?

Since I was sorta speechless, the question came from Cassandra. 

“What did you do?”

She asked Solas. 

“I did nothing, the credit was hers.”

At this I snorted loudly, something I had been told was very unsexy. I didn’t care then, but I probably should now, judging by the look Solas gave me. Suspicious af. The credit was all his though. This was all his fault. He should never have given his power to Coryphishit. But I couldn’t give any of this away. I didn’t want him to kill me and ruin this dream. Earlier I’d been scared, but now I was kinda excited. Meeting them, him, was exciting. 

“You mean the mark?”

I asked, deciding to play dumb. With his enormous ego, he’d probably buy it. 

“Whatever magic opened the Breach in the sky also placed that mark upon your hand. I theorized the mark might be able to close the rifts that have opened in the Breach's wake – and it seems I was correct.”

“Meaning it could also close the Breach itself.”

Cassandra quiered, to which Solas helpfully replied. 

“Possibly.”

He then turned back to me. His gaze was intense. Maybe I was human. He looked like he wanted to smother me. But I suppose that could still apply if I was an elf. He didn’t particularly like _modern_ elves either. Maybe I had a cool face tatt. That would surely annoy him. 

“It seems you hold the key to our salvation.”

He said softly. My gaze dipped to his lips as he spoke. They were awfully kissable. Luckily Varric dragged me out of my simping. 

“Good to know! Here I thought we'd be ass-deep in demons forever.”

Even though I’d heard it a hundred times in the game, it still made me chuckle. I might be childish, but the way he said ‘ass-deep’ would always be funny. I turned towards the sound of his voice with a smile on my face. 

“Varric Tethras: rogue, storyteller, and occasionally unwelcome tagalong.”

Another attractive face met me. Where Solas was pretty, Varric was handsome with a capital H. It was a damn shame he was unromanceable in the game. But this was a dream, and any wish could come true in a dream, right?

“It’s good to meet you, Varric.”

I said heartily. If I was very lucky, I’d sleep long enough to close the breach and then have a drink with Varric. Maybe even convince him to tell me about Fenris.

“You may reconsider that stance, in time.” 

Solas warned with a glint in his eye. What I would have to reconsider was my attraction to this evil elf. Varric was an angel I would trust with my life. My real life, not just in this dream. 

“Aww. I'm sure we'll become great friends in the valley, Solas.”

Varric purred. 

“Absolutely not. Your help is appreciated, Varric, but…”

Cassandra started. 

“Have you been in the valley lately, Seeker? Your soldiers aren't in control anymore. You need me.”

Varric interjected to which Cassandra made a disgusted sound. To think that Cassandra was perhaps Varric’s biggest fan had always been amazing. They had a super entertaining chemistry. If podcasts came to Thedas, I’d binge theirs. 

“My name is Solas, if there are to be introductions. I'm pleased to see you still live.”

When he smiled at me, another unhelpful song lyric came to mind. Theodosia from Hamilton. Namely the sentence that goes; 'When you smile, you knock me out, I fall apart. I thought I was so smart.' I had no qualms understanding why so many inquisitors had fallen head over heels for Solas, hell, I had fallen for him through the screen and seeing the real deal was… Indescribable. 

“He means, 'I kept that mark from killing you while you slept.’”

Varric added. Considering my dream had started after that I shouldn’t have felt so hot at the thought of him taking care of me. 

“Thank you.”

I replied. 

“Thank me if we manage to close the Breach without killing you in the process.”

I wonder what would happen if I died in the process. Would I wake up in my bed? Or would I go back to like… a last save? In that case where would that be? Or when? I’d dread to do all this running again.

“Cassandra, you should know: the magic involved here is unlike any I have ever seen.”

Solas continued as if that wasn’t the biggest load of BS I’d ever heard. He told lies with such conviction, as if he almost believed what he was saying. How would you ever know if this man was telling you the truth? I mean, when you couldn’t google it. 

"Your prisoner is a mage, but I find it difficult to imagine any mage having such power." 

He added. I’d only been a mage for like… an hour and a half, so yeah I would consider myself as unknowledgeable as a non-mage, despite my game knowledge. Also, did he mean that only he should have such power? And did that mean he didn’t consider himself a mage? Well like, a regular mage? He’d locked all the other ‘gods’ away for a reason. But I thought that reason was him thinking that there shouldn’t be ‘gods’. Man this guy was slimy as an eel. I wish I could tell him that, but I wanted to keep the charade going.

“Understood. We must get to the forward camp quickly.”

Cassandra muttered. 

Varric claimed that Biance was excited and then we were running again. 

“You are Dalish, but clearly away from the rest of your clan. Did they send you here?”

Solas asked as we were running up a particularly steep step of stairs. 

I almost tripped on my own feet. I was dalish! Awesome! My hand flew to my ear, and yes, it was sharp! Cool! I’d give a toe for a mirror right now! I probably did have a face tattoo then too. I wondered which god it represented. Definitely not Mythal considering the way Solas had looked at me when we first spoke. It was probably someone he strongly disliked. But I supposed that was everyone but Mythal lol.

“I uh… Yeah.”

I was breathing heavy, so he stopped and gave me a little bottle of something red. A potion. That was definitely a potion. I accepted with a thanks, not wanting to be rude, and knocked it back. To my surprise, it tasted like cranberry juice. Well, I’d suppose my brain couldn’t think of everything. I had no idea what a potion was supposed to taste like. The effect was fast, it felt like what I imagined cocaine would.

“I have wandered many roads in my time, and crossed paths with your people on more than one occasion.”

Your people? Ugh. We were the same people for fucks sake. If he had thought that, he wouldn’t have needed to give his magic to Corypheshit, but then again I wouldn’t be having this dream. There’d be no need for the Inquisition. Maybe I’d wake up as Hawke?

“They’re your people too.”

I answered with a sigh.

“The Dalish I met felt... differently on the subject.”

I almost rolled my eyes. Them treating him like that probably had something to do with enormous ego and god complex. 

“Can't you elves just play nice for once?”

Varric asked, shooting an arrow at a shade that popped out of nowhere. 

And then we were fighting, and then running, and climbing stairs until we reached the gates of the forward camp where another rift was oozing out shades and demons. 

This time I managed to close the rift myself, through no small effort. The potion had helped though, I could still feel it coursing through my system. 

We passed through the gates to another bridge that was littered with dead soldiers. This is also where we met Leliana and chancellor Rodrick. Despite his redemption arc, he was still a dick now. As we approached, Rodrick freaked out and ordered me to be arrested yadda yadda. Of course, he held no real power. But I already knew that. I let my eyes wander as they argued through until I remembered it was my responsibility to remind them about the breach, to which Rodrick yelled that the breach was my fault. No chancellor, the fault lies with Solas, but I can’t tell you that. This time I did roll my eyes. 

I still thought it was weird when they asked me what I thought we ought to do. I’d been a prisoner the last two hours, but okay I guess. Lay it all on me. Cassandra looked at me with such passion that I couldn’t help but choose the option I know she’d ‘approve’.

“I say we charge with the soldiers. We’ve no time to lose.”

It was all worth the small smile Cassandra gave me before she turned to Leliana.

“Leliana. Bring everyone left in the valley. Everyone.”

“On your head be the consequences, Seeker.”

I never noticed just how many soldiers died during this first phase of the game. As I ran to charge with the soldiers, we passed so many of them. I felt like I was in an actual war, and the fact that this was all Solas’ fault… He barely looked at them. At least it made it a little easier to ignore my attraction to him. 

Cullen was already fighting the demons from the rift as we approached. He was a tall man, tall strong man. If Thedas’ version of slender man hadn’t come through the rift at that very moment, my mouth would’ve gone dry. I’d romanced Cullen my first 3 playthroughs. He was so sweet. In _real life_ he was also very sexy. I threw my fire spells towards the shades surrounding him until a slenderman hit me so hard I was thrown backwards, landing gracefully on my ass. That was sure to bruise. Luckily, this was just a dream. 

“How many rifts _are_ there?”

Varric asked before helping me to my feet.

No one seemed to have an answer for that. I knew there was a shitload of em, but I didn’t have an exact number, and I wasn’t supposed to know that either, so I stayed quiet, tumbling my staff less awkwardly now as I threw out fire and shock spells. We must seal it if we are to get past!

“We must seal it if we are to get past!”

Solas looked at me and I knew what I had to do. I’d only been dreading to do it a little. It felt like burning yourself on a hair straightener while someone threw an ice cube at you that had been made out of stinging nettle juice. It wasn’t pleasant, okay?

“Quickly then!” 

Cassandra yelled as I lifted my hand towards the evil green rift and gritted my hand through the pain caused by closing it. 

I didn’t realize I’d closed my eyes until Solas spoke to me, sounding like he was standing very close. 

“Sealed, as before. You are becoming quite proficient at this.”

“Let's hope it works on the big one.”

Varric commented dryly, to which I snorted. 

“Lady Cassandra, you managed to close the rift? Well done.”

Cullen’s accent was super cute. More so than in the game. He was also hella sexy.

“Do not congratulate me, Commander. This is the prisoner's doing.”

Cassandra nodded towards me. 

If my brain really was remembering all of these lines correctly, I was really impressed. Also sorta pissed. I was never able to remember things for tests and exams, but a video game? Sure! I’d been asked on several occasions whether I had photographic memory. But there was no such thing, I’d googled it several times. Also, I only ever remembered things from video games, books and movies. I could never remember what I’d done last week, or to who I told what secret. Selective memory, my mom had called it. More like early dementia, I’d thought. 

“Is it? I hope they're right about you. We've lost a lot of people getting you here.”

Cullen looked at me with such hope in his eyes, I actually felt bad that I’d chosen this path. I knew that the other one would have yielded less casualties, but I’d wanted to impress Cassandra.

I couldn’t understand how some people claimed that video games made people more violent. If I ever choose an option that made another character sad, I’d legit loose sleep over it unless I loaded the last save and chose a nicer option.

“I hope they're right, too. I’ll try my best.”

“That's all we can ask.”

He gave me a small smile and my heart missed a beat. 

“The way to the temple should be clear. Leliana will try to meet you there.”

Cullen added before helping an injured soldier back to the camp. 

“Then we'd best move quickly. Give us time, Commander.”

Cassandra said.

Even though I knew what was coming next, it still shocked me to see the temple of sacred ashes. A very fitting name, or as Varric commented: what was left of it.

“That is where you walked out the Fade and our soldiers found you. They said a woman was in the rift behind you. No one knows who she was."

There were a bunch of burned, or still burning, corpses and scattered bones. I counted at least 30 burned corpses, 30 skulls among the scattered bones, plus one relatively intact Templar corpse. There was also a big ass section of the temple ruins burning.

“The breach is a long way up.”

Varric was the first to speak. I was staring at what I was pretty sure was corpses of a woman and a child still burning whilst holding hands. What was a child doing at the conclave?

Leliana brought me back to reality, or… the dream.

“You're here! Thank the Maker.”


	3. The ugly cousin of Balrog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We finally get to close the breach! Yay! Solas is being a wiseass, and Lavellan gets a first look at herself. She likes what she sees.

“No. This rift was the first and is the key. Seal it, and perhaps we seal the Breach,”

Solas said as we approached the breach. It was huge. I still thought it looked like northern lights on crack. The game designers had probably been inspired by it. Maybe they’d even gone to Norway to see it in real life. I had seen it. It was truly beautiful. But this, this was just… too much. Unnatural. My body recoiled from it even though I knew it wasn’t real. It was just a dream. 

“Then let's find a way down. And be careful.”

Cassandra said, shooting me a worried look that melted my heart. 

We started walking down towards the ground when the voice of Coryphishit appeared, which I knew was an echo from the fade. 

“Now is the hour of our victory. Bring forth the sacrifice.”

The voice rumbled through my bones, it was that deep. 

“What are we hearing?”

Cassandra demanded to know, and of course Solas. He had an answer for everything. Also, he knew perfectly well what had happened here, even if it wasn’t intentional.

“At a guess: The person who created the Breach.”

Varric halted at the sight of red lyrium as we walked further down. 

“You know this stuff is red lyrium, Seeker.”

He said. 

“I see it, Varric.”

“But what is it doing here?”

Solas, who was walking by my side, also stopped and decided to share his immense wisdom. Ugh.

“Magic could have drawn on the lyrium beneath the temple, corrupted it...”

I knew a great deal about this. How did he decide what to share? What crumbs to spread? How long has he been living this lie?

“It's evil. Whatever you do, don't touch it.”

Varric warned.

And then we heard, yet again, from he who had such a shitty name it should not be mentioned.

“Keep the sacrifice still.”

“Someone help me!”

A shudder went down my back at the sound of the Divine’s plea for help. 

“That is Divine Justinia’s voice!”

Cassandra exclaimed as we reached the circle of the ruins where the breach was.

There were more skulls and bones scattered here than I could count, I did my best to avoid stepping on them. 

The anchor in my hand flared again as I heard my own voice coming from the otherside of the breach. 

“What’s going on here?”

Gods did I hate hearing my voice recorded.

Cassandra turned to me then, shock in her eyes. 

“That was your voice! Most Holy called out to you. But…?!”

There was a flash of white light, then ghostly images appeared. Divine Justinia was being held in the air by red energy and a large dark figure with glowing red eyes was looming over her. And then I entered the room. It was the first look I got at myself, and I had to admit that I looked pretty good. 

I had the sidecut hairstyle, red hair and a dramatic black face tattoo. My eyes were green, my lips looked like I’d used expensive lip gloss and there was rouge on my cheeks. I couldn’t say it looked like my real self, but I wasn’t complaining. I’d bang me. 9/10. The only reason I didn’t give myself a 10/10 was because I was very pale, sickly almost, which meant that if I blushed then everyone would notice. Also I’d probably get sunburnt really fast

“Run while you can! Warn them!”

The ghostly image of Justinia called out to me.

“We have an intruder.” - “Slay the elf.”

I glanced over to Solas to see how well he faked his reaction to this as the ghostly images flashed bright and then disappeared. He held his own. It shouldn’t have surprised me. 

“You were there! Who attacked? And the Divine, is she…? Was this vision true? What are we seeing?”

“I don't remember!” 

I reminded Cassandra, a tad annoyed. Another lie, but the annoyance was real Luckily Solas helpfully stepped in, once again. He just couldn’t help it, could he?

“Echoes of what happened here. The Fade bleeds into this place.”

I supposed he had to make himself useful in order to be able to stick around so he could keep an eye on me, or rather, my hand.

“This rift is not sealed, but it is closed… albeit temporarily. I believe with the mark, the rift can be opened and then sealed properly and safely. However, opening the rift will likely attract attention from the other side.”

He added, looking thoughtfully at me. Or maybe he looked at me normally. He looked thoughtful no matter what he was doing.

“That means demons. Stand ready!”

Cassandra rallied the soldiers.

I gritted my teeth, knowing what would come through when I opened the breach. 

“I think you’re gonna wanna stand back for this.”

I said to Solas, who was standing awfully close.

He looked at questiongly, but came to stand next to me before I raised my hand towards the sky. 

I sent off a quick prayer to whatever gods were listening that I wouldn’t die in this boss fight and be sent back to the real world, and then I opened the breach.

As predicted, Solas would have been, if not squashed, then badly injured when the pride demon appeared. Close and personal I thought it looked like an uglier cousin of the Balrog from lotr. And so it began.

The fight was bad. It ate all the previous fights for breakfast and still had room for more. Hadn’t it been for Solas’ constant barrier that he threw on me, I would have died on 7 different occasions. I did my best to “disrupt” the breach whenever I wasn’t being attacked by the pride demon or the shades or the ugly green ghosts. I slipped on the icy ground and fell on my ass at least 3 times and generally looked like a hot mess. Finally the pride demon was banished and I could close the breach at last. 

Falling onto my knees I closed up the rift, before immediately passing out on the ground in front of me, the slowly familiar feeling of cold and warm pain being the last I could feel.


	4. Blessed be the fruit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lavellan wakes up and finds she is still in Haven.

I was awakened by a massive headache. I must have hit my head on the bed railing or something while having this hella active dream. I groaned and heard a gasp I was fairly certain I didn’t emit. My eyes sprang open as I sat up. Had someone broken into my apartment?!

What I saw didn’t make sense. There was a girl here, currently on her knees picking up a box she’d dropped. I couldn’t remember having taken her home. Or going home with her. Cause I sure as hell wasn’t in my own bedroom. I could describe this room with one word: *rustic*. Rustic wasn’t my style. 

“Oh! I didn’t know you were awake, I swear!”

The girl had the strangest accent. 

“Uh…” - “Where am I?”

I touched my temple to see if I had a fever or something. This was real weird.

“I beg your forgiveness and your blessing. I am but a humble servant.”

No fever, but this girl was saying the darndest things. Servant? The actual fuck?

“You’re back in Haven, my lady. They say you saved us. The breach stopped growing, just like the mark on your hand. It’s all anyone has talked about for the last three days!”

It hadn’t occurred to me that I was still in dream Thedas.I had just woken up? Hadn’t I? So shouldn’t I be in my world? In my bed? I knew I’d definitely slept through my alarm. But by now the time was probably way past noon. I had shit to do, I didn’t have time to save Thedas! 

“For fucks sake.” 

I mumbled under my breath before I realized she was waiting for me to address her.

“Sorry I.. I think I hit my head.”

This was ridiculous. Why was I explaining myself to a random character in my own dream?

“I’m sure Lady Cassandra will want to know you’ve wakened. She said ‘at once’!”

I sighed, but nodded at her, which made my headache worse. The poor girl ran as if she was being chased by something really nasty. I wish I had my phone so I could google how to wake up from a lucid dream. I tried envisioning it, to have it materialized, but gave up after a couple of minutes and got out of the bed. 

I was dressed in that ugly pajamas that was strangely comfortable, but I had bigger issues than looking hot. There was a mirror in the small cabin and I walked up to it, mesmerised by who was looking back. This was not my face at all. I even had a scar I hadn’t noticed when I’d seen myself in the fade eccho. It was a cool scar, similar to the Scar from the Lion King in that it looked like it went through my eye. What I thought had been heavy eye makeup was actually part of my tattoo. The tattoo I knew marked me as property of one of the old gods. I wondered who I technically belonged to. 

No, I didn’t have time for this shit. I pinched my arm, nothing happened but the pain you’d expect when you pinch your own arm. There was a bowl filled with water lying on the table next to the mirror, so I tried plunging my face into it. No luck there. 

“Fuck me.” 

Next to the bowl was a folder I knew would contain observational notes on me. I opened it. It claimed I’d been lying here for 3 days. That seemed a bit excessive to me. But I suppose a dream day could pass in a second so that didn’t necessarily mean anything either. 

Maybe I was in a coma? How could that have happened? Maybe I’d gotten a blood clot because of my birth control pills? Had I eaten some bad pasta? Maybe I had been hit by a car without remembering! I didn’t like any of those alternatives. 

But what could I do about it? Well, they did have a tavern. It would probably be less depressing and scary to think about this with some alcohol, surrounded by loud people. 

As I opened the door in my cabin, it didn’t take long for me to understand that my plan wasn’t realistic at this time. Firstly, the tavern looked to be closed, secondly. The people standing outside, waiting to see “the herald of Andraste” were conveniently forming a line to the Chantry, where I was supposed to go meet everyone. Ugh.

I tried to put on a neutral mask, but my displeasure at this whole situation was difficult to hide. I didn’t want to be here anymore.

“That’s her! That’s the herald of Andraste!”

I knew they meant well. But I was nothing but annoyed with the people of Haven right now. They glared daggers at me first, and now they were seconds from kissing my feet and praising my name. Well, the name they’d given me. Herald. I never cared much for religion. And the way they were looking at me made me feel like I wasn’t even a person. Like I hadn’t saved their asses on my own, but had been given divine intervention. 

No one but me had done all this shit. I had ran up all those stairs and fought with a staff that had given me terrible blisters. Would some Divine intervention have let me fall on my ass approximately seven times? No. I was sore as hell and my headache won't go away without pain killers, which I sincerely doubt they had in Thedas. I didn't even have potions on me.

“They said when she came out of the Fade, Andraste herself was watching over her!”

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at them. 

“Hush! We shouldn’t disturb her.”

Yes! Thank you, random villager.

“Why did Lady Cassandra have her in chains? I thought Seekers knew everything.”

I almost stopped to look at whoever said that. Seekers knew fuckall. But I was a woman on a mission. That mission being: getting done talking to Cassandra and co. So I could get a fucking drink and sulk over my situation.

“It’s complicated. We were all frightened after the explosion at the Conclave.”

Some woman said to no one in particular. 

“It isn’t complicated. Andraste herself blessed her.”

Oh my god. Shut up.

There were another dozen bless you’s and maker be with you’s variations as I made my way up to the chantry.

It was the first and hopefully the last time this many people would salute me, but I didn’t give a shit. I didn’t want it. I’d never wanted to be a celebrity in real life, my dream self thought the same. Being known meant people would watch you. You couldn’t be anonymous. I’m sure that if I picked my nose, the entirety of Haven would know about it within an hour.

As I approached the chantry, the chantry sisters standing outside went to kneel for me. Maybe I should have picked my nose in front of them, I thought pettily before I entered the chantry. 

I didn’t have to take my steps before I started hearing the arguments coming from inside the decision room. 

“Have you gone completely mad? She should be taken to Val Royeaux immediately, to be tried by whomever becomes Divine.”

Ok boomer.

“I do not believe she is guilty!”

Cassandra my sweet angel. Can’t you just kick this boomer out? You’re the one with the most authority. Technically you would be the best inquisitor!

“The elf failed, Seeker. The Breach is still in the sky. For all you know, she intended it this way!”

I rolled my eyes, but even as I got to the door I waited for their argument to end before I entered. 

The door slammed more than I intended, but it did feel nice to slam it considering they were talking about me. Like hello, assholes. Talk shit, get hit!

“Chain her. I want her prepared for travel to the capital for trial.”

Roderick said to the guards, who stayed where they were until Cassandra spoke. 

“Disregard that, and leave us.”

They saluted her and left. The expression on Roderick’s face was priceless. 

“You walk a dangerous line, Seeker.”

It sounded like a threat. But he’d stand no chance against Cassandra and I knew that he technically meant well, so I wasn’t worried. 

“The Breach is stable, but it is still a threat. I will not ignore it.”

Cassandra looked to me. 

“I did everything I could.”

I said tiredly, wishing I could just skip this dialogue so I could drink.

“Yet you live. A convenient result, insofar as you’re concerned.”

I’d flick Roderick off if I thought he’d understand what it meant. Instead I simply rolled my eyes. 

“Have a care, Chancellor. The Breach is not the only threat we face.”

Then they argued some more, most of which I completely zoned out of until they all turned to me. Apparently it was my turn. I think Cassandra had said something about how I was the chosen one. 

“Blessed be the fruit.” 

I commented dryly. Cassandra actually looked concerned by my statement. Roderick looked like he wanted to lecture me and Leliana looked suspicious. 

“No matter what you are, or what you believe, you are exactly what we needed when we needed it.”

Cassandra replied carefully, seeming to understand that I was fucking with them. To them I was a dalish elf who didn’t believe in the maker. To me, I wasn’t even supposed to be in this world. 

“The Breach remains and your mark is our only hope of closing it.”

Leliana said.

“This is not for you to decide.”

At this point, Roderick was truly sounding like a boomer. Someone who shouldn’t be allowed to vote. 

Cassandra responded by slamming a bigass dumb thick book down on the table, the sound of it echoing for a good amount of time. Justinia was either very wordy or had huge handwriting or both, because really how long does a proclamation declaring a new Inquisition and granting it authority have to be? Maybe there were pictures in there?

“You know what this is, Chancellor? A writ from the Divine, granting us authority to act. As of this moment, I declare the Inquisition reborn.”

Cassandra sounded pretty pissed at this point, she walked Roderick into the wall and poked him in the chest. 

“We will close the Breach, we will find those responsible, and we will restore order with or without your approval.”

Damn, she was hot. I’d love to have her poke me in the chest. After a drink, yes. Some sex could possibly help my headache fuck off.

Roderick didn't seem to have any clever clapbacks, so he left. Finally.

“This is the Divine’s directive: Rebuild the Inquisition of old. Find those who will stand against the chaos. We aren’t ready. We have no leader, no numbers, and now no Chantry support.”

Come on Leliana, you guys are on the same team! Can’t you just finish so I can leave?

“But we have no choice: We must act now. With you at our side.”

Cassandra spoke to me as if I had a fucking choice.

“And if I don't want to?”

I asked, curious to see what she’d say as I’d never chosen this dialogue choice before. 

“You can go, if you wish.”

Leliana said it in a way that made me think she’d legit shoot me in the back with an arrow if I did leave. 

“You should know that while some believe you were chosen, many still think you are guilty. The Inquisition can only protect you if you are with us.”

Cassandra added. So if Leliana didn’t shoot me, then someone from Haven would. Great.

“We can also help you.”

Leliana added before Cassandra said:

“It will not be easy if you stay, but you cannot pretend this has not changed you.”

So no. I didn’t really have a choice. And I couldn’t imagine they’d pay for my drinks if I left.

“Fine, I’ll stay. For now.”

I sighed. 

“That’s all we ask.”

Leliana managed a small smile. 

“Help us fix this, before it’s too late.”

Cassandra said, lifting her hand to me. 

I shook it and left the room. In the game there had been really pretty cutscenes and music after this. Leliana had sent off her ravens. Varric had watched them fly away. I think the ravens had gone to Therinfal and one to Redcliffe. Cullen had nailed the Inquisition reformation announcement to the chantry wall. Cassandra had walked through flanks of soldiers in training. I think there’d be an Inquisition flag waving, and did I mention the nice music?

Well, in real life there was none of that. I left the chantry and it was still snowing outside. I could hear the sounds of people whispering, probably about me, and I still had a headache. No music, no nothing. Now, if the tavern hadn’t opened by now, they would have to make an exemption for the herald. 


	5. Lavellan gets drunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lavellan gets drunk, talks to Varric and yells at an evil egg.

By some miracle, the tavern was open when I got there. There weren’t that many people in there, but it was warm and they had alcohol. It would have to do. I had almost gotten to the bar when I noticed Maryden playing. Another time I would have totally fangirled, but not now. 

“Can I get you anything?” 

Flissa asked. Music to my ears. 

“Something strong please.”

I was relieved she didn’t freak out over me, didn’t even try to bless me.

“I have just the thing.” 

She said and pulled out an ancient looking bottle. It looked expensive, but she didn’t charge me, giving me the whole thing and a glass. I wondered if I got paid? I already wanted to buy some new shoes. 

“Perfect. Thank you.”

I sat down on an abandoned table and poured a generous amount of the stern-smelling liquor into my glass as Maryden performed the songs I’d heard a thousand times before. She was a great live singer, and nice to look at. 

It didn’t take particularly long before I was well above tipsy, humming to Maryden’s songs, having completely forgotten about my own situation. 

“Enchanters remind

That time will not unwind.

The dragon's crooked spine,

Will never straighten into line.”

Before I started reflecting on the song I was listening to, someone sat down across from me. I looked up from my drink, straight into the eyes of Varric. 

“So, now that Cassandra’s out of earshot, are you holding up alright? I mean, you go from being the most wanted criminal in Thedas to joining the armies of the faithful. Most people would have spread that out over more than one day.”

I raised my brows and took a big gulp of my glass of unidentifiable liquor that tasted good and bad at the same time.

My reaction made him chuckle and take a sip out of his own glass. 

“That makes two of us.” - “For days now, we’ve been staring at the Breach, watching demons and Maker-knows-what fall out of it. ‘Bad for morale’ would be an understatement. I still can’t believe anyone was there and lived.”

I sighed. 

“I’m still not sure I believe that any of this is really happening.”

It wasn’t a lie. 

“If this is all just the Maker winding us up, I hope there is a damn good punchline coming.” - “You might want to consider running at the first opportunity. I’ve written enough tragedies to recognize where this is going. Heroes are everywhere. I’ve seen that. But the hole in the sky? That’s beyond heroes. We’re going to need a miracle.”

Despite having heard it before, I chuckled. Varric was a good storyteller, but I knew he meant what he said. If I ran, he wouldn’t blame me. But where would I run off to? I would still be stuck in Thedas whether I was in Haven or not, and it was way better to stay somewhere I was fed and kept safe. Not to mention, where I apparently could drink what the hell I wanted without having to pay.

I tried to come up with something nice to say, but Varric arose and clapped me on my shoulder before exiting the tavern. I didn’t know how long I’d been in here. But I was pretty sure it was still early. Too early for everyone else to drink.

I finished my bottle of mysterious liquor sooner than anticipated and got the sudden urge to bother a certain evil egg.

He was standing outside of his little hut, waiting for me to talk to him probably. His smug face as he saw me approach angered me. His welcoming words didn’t help. 

“The chosen of Andraste. A blessed hero sent to save us all.”

He was totally mocking me!

“Shut up.” 

It felt so good to say it. Even better when I saw the look on his face. It ranged from disbelief to suspicion and then to worry. 

He took a step closer, to which I took a step back. 

“Have you been drinking?”

I snorted. 

“No...Yes.” - “What’s it to you?”

I hated the look of worry on his face, as if pitying me. Like he gave half a shit what happened to me! He would just break my heart and then take my hand anyway. I didn’t even have an adequate word to describe what an asshat he was. 

“You seem unwell. I will make you a potion.”

It wasn’t a question. 

“I don’t need your potion! I don’t want your fucking help! I just wanna go home!” 

I yelled at him, only slurring a little. I was sure people were looking but I didn’t give a shit. Solas seemed quite taken aback too. Although I didn’t consider him a particularly considerate person, I suppose he had reason to pity this. He also wanted his home back. I hated how similar our situations seemed. We had both woken up in a world we weren’t supposed to. We both wanted to go home. But I wouldn’t go to the lengths he was willing to go to. He didn’t even consider the people in this world to be real people… Wait. No It was different for me. I was just dreaming, or in a choma. This wasn’t my world to begin with. No matter how far back you went. This was a fucking video game. Solas wasn’t even a real person!

“You are a long way from home da'len. I understand that may be difficult.”

It was the understatement of the century, but his eyes were warm and full of sympathy, and because I was drunk and forlorn, I let him escort me into his cabin. I let him set me down on his bed as he prepared me the potion. I could sense that I was very close to tears, but I didn’t want to cry in front of him. I didn’t really want him to comfort me either. I wanted to hate him. He was the dreadwolf and he would break my heart if I so much as let him look at it.

He gave me the potion and sat down in a chair across from me, probably to avoid looming over me so that I wouldn’t be frightened. But he didn’t need his height to scare me. That ship had sailed long ago. I took a sip from the flask. It tasted strangely like orange juice, but I’m sure he’d put some mumbo jumbo in there too.

“Have you ever been stuck in a dream you couldn’t get out of?”

I asked, and watched stupidly as his eyebrows rose. 

He probably thought I was referencing the situation I found myself in, a dalish as the herald with a cursed hand, but even so. I was too drunk to care whether he suspected anything.

“I am an apostate surrounded by Chantry forces and unlike you, I do not have a Divine mark protecting me.”

I could barely stop my eyes from rolling out of my head. Yeah yeah mages and all. No Solas. I am talking about being stuck in the wrong world!!!!!! Would he think me demon possessed if I admitted as much? Shit. I couldn’t exactly take the chance. I didn’t think they’d make me tranquil, and I knew there was a way to come back from being made tranquil, but I didn’t want to take the chance. 

“We have bigger worries to think about. You know… the giant hole in the sky.”

I said dryly as the potion started clearing my head. It didn’t make me 100% sober, but my headache went away and I could think clearly enough to realize I probably shouldn’t be talking with Solas.

“Yes, Who can say what this world will look like when we are done fighting for it?”

His question gave me the shivers, the bad ones. Solas knew exactly what he wanted the world to look like. And that future wasn’t bright for many but a select few.

“For now, let us hope either the mages or the templars have the power to seal the breach.” 

He added.

It took me a couple of seconds to realize he was very politely telling me to leave. I remembered this sentence being the last thing he said to Lavellan in their first conversation at Haven. 

“Yeah.. Uh.. Thanks for the.. “ I got up from his bed and put the now empty flask down on the table. “Sorry for.. yelling.” - “I’m just..” I bit my lip and left before finishing the apology. 

I had wanted to be mad at him, but he’d been kind. It was unexpected and sly. It couldn’t be sincere, right? It was a ploy to get me to fall in love with him so I’d tell him everything and confide in him, right? Solas wasn’t a good character.

Somehow, the day had gone by by the time I got back to my little hut. I had no idea how. It wasn’t exactly far from Solas, and I was pretty sure I hadn’t taken any detours. Some kind soul, probably the servant from earlier, had left a tray of dinner for me. A stew of some kind, bread and a goblet of wine. I devoured it within minutes and then proceeded to pass out on the bed. 

Somehow I woke up without a nasty hangover the next day. Or, I guess it was due to Solas’ potion. He was a bastard for making me like him.

Someone had kept the fireplace in my hut going and for that I was thankful as it seemed colder than a witches tit outside. Someone had also placed a breakfast tray on the table with chairs in front of my bed. I suspected that someone to be the servant who’d awoken me that day. I had to get her name so I could thank her properly. Whether this world was real or not or if I was in a coma didn’t give me the right to be rude to innocent people, even if they might not be real people, but just figures of my imagination. 

It was strange how fast I’d accepted the situation I was in and not expected to wake up in my own bed. Scary strange. I hadn’t given up yet, but I couldn’t let Haven suffer just because I was in the wrong world. Even if it was a video game in my world, it was very real to them. 

A craw got my attention and I whipped my head in the direction of the sound. How had I not noticed the cage in the corner with a crow inside? Had I ever noticed that while playing the game? Maybe it was new? I got out of bed and made it, only so that the servant wouldn’t have to break her back cleaning up after me. She was probably assigned to me and that made me feel guilty.

“Hello little one.” I said to the crow, crouching in front of its cage. I wasn’t sure whether that had been assigned to me as well, or not. But I hated seeing it in such a crammy cage. Damned be the consequences. I opened the hatch and it flew out through the window. Oh well. Just because I was trapped here, didn’t mean it had to be as well. 

I picked some books at random from the shelves before I sat down to eat my breakfast. None of them contained anything useful to my situation, but I did learn that the capital of Antiva was Antiva city, which lay on the middle of its coastline and was one of the wealthiest cities in Thedas. Creative.

I wondered if there were any books on dreams? Fade related perhaps? And what of different worlds? Alternate universes? Did they even know what a universe was here in Thedas? They didn’t even have real toilets here. How would they know about quantum physics? Quantum physics was about that stuff right? I wish I had any useful education for living in a world that was still in the dark ages. My Graphic Design bachelor’s degree wouldn’t come in handy in a couple of hundred years, or thousands? I wasn’t very steady in history either. 

The funny thing was, I had actually read fanfictions like this before. Modern girl in Thedas was a popular tag. I had read those fanfictions and fantasized about what I would do if that were me. How I would prepare myself and what changes I would make. That one modern girl who had introduced modern plumbing was a freaking genius, but I had no idea how you would go about that? I was no engineer, nor a scientist or anything useful. I was a graphic designer with a minor in game design. Ironic huh? Well there was nothing funny about this. If I was lucky, I’d die of some stupid infection. Pneumonia or something. Or maybe Solas would have a potion for that too? 

After that depressing breakfast I made my way back up towards the chantry, assuming a ‘quest’ was ready for me.Specifically, the dreaded Hinterlands. Fuck, I hated those bears. What the fuck would happen when they eventually killed me?


	6. Another day in Thedas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> War room meeting, apologizing to Solas and no horses.

“A learned child is a blessing upon his parents and unto the maker.”

If we could wait with the religious mumbo jumbo til my breakfast had made its way to my stomach that would be great, I thought to myself as a Chantry sister spoke to no one in particular. I got the sense they often did that. Just spewed out mumbo jumbo, presumably to themselves.

“If you’re here to clean, Hess can get you a bucket and a broom. Anyone call you ’knife-ear’, you come to me.” 

I turned. Knife ear. Right. People were also racist in Thedas, different measures, but still racist. And against me. Not really used to that at home - in the real world.

“Oh you’re her. I’m Threnn, Inquisitor quartermaster. I’m doing what I can to supply this mess. If you find what I need to fill one of my requisitions. I’d appreciate you bringing it in.”

I withheld an eye roll. Yeah, no.

“Sure.”

I entered the Chantry and was flexing my hand tentatively when Cassandra popped out of nowhere. 

“Jesus!”

“Does it trouble you?”

She asked. It took me a second to realize she was talking about my hand and not my world’s so called lord and saviour, whose name I often said in vain to my grandmother’s great exasperation No, Jesus didn’t trouble me on a day to day business, but my hand was slightly achy. Cassandra seemingly didn't react. Maybe she thought it was elven. A girl could hope.

“A little.”

There were Chantry sisters chanting in the background. It made for an interesting backdrop to this conversation.

“What’s important is that your mark is now stable, as is the Breach. You’ve given us time, and Solas believes that a second attempt might succeed – provided the mark has more power. The same level of power used to open the Breach in the first place. That is not easy to come by.”

Cassandra both sounded and looked like she knew exactly how to achieve this. I knew where she would send me, the notorious Hinterlands. Which meant: bears. I never had an issue with bears until I went to the Hinterlands, but after exploring the Hinterlands I had started detesting the ones from my world too, and I’d only ever seen bears in zoos. Yes, zoos are bad, but I’d rather see a bear in a zoo, than meet one in real life. 

“Sure, why not?”

Another one of her small smiles made an appearance.

“Hold on to that sense of humor.”

She advised before ushering me to the decision room, also known as the war room. I liked the decision room better. War room sounded so… ominous. And we weren't at war either.

“You’ve met Commander Cullen, leader of the Inquisition’s forces.”

I had, but I had barely gotten a good look at him as there had been so many things going on. At that time I’d thought I’d wake up in my own bed before I was given the chance to do much more than close the breach. It wasn’t all bad being stuck in this world. This was my favourite game for many reasons, Cullen being one of them.

“It was only for a moment on the field. I’m pleased you survived.”

He had such kind eyes. I bet he gave really good hugs. 

“Me too.” 

I said, and felt my heart beat a little faster when he smiled at me.

“This is lady Josephine Montilyet, our ambassador and chief diplomat.”

Oh! My head almost whipped towards Josephine. I hadn’t met her yet! She was so beautiful, and tall! Her eyes were warm, her posture perfect and her hair was shiny. That golden dress was truly exquisite, must be expensive as hell! Gods, I wish I had an Ipad or something so I could draw her. She was such an interesting beauty. 

“Andaran Atish'an.”

I almost froze in place. In other modern girl in thedas fics that I had read, if the mgit was elvish, they somehow spoke it too. But when I ransacked my brain, no other language came up. Luckily, I remembered what Lavellan’s line was. 

“You speak elven?”

“You’re just heard the entirety of it, I’m afraid.”

Her laugh was pleasant, just like the rest of her. 

“And of course you know Sister Leliana.”

Cassandra continued. 

“My position here involves a degree of…”

“She is our spymaster.”

“Yes. Tactfully put, Cassandra.”

I couldn’t help but smile at their bickering. I loved listening to companionship banter but seeing how Leliana, Cullen and Josephine were unavailable for quests, you only heard their banter in the war rooms, and Cassandra wouldn’t even be present for the war rooms when we got to Skyhold, well that would be different this time. She belonged in that room.

“It’s nice to meet you all.”

I said. How many times had I daydreamed about this and now I was here. And what had I done about it? Gone day drinking and utterly made a fool of myself in front of Solas. Mighty well done! 

“I mentioned that your mark needs more power to close the Breach for good.”

Cassandra said in a no-nonsense tone. I suppose that was just her regular tone. Haha, until you found out about her book addiction. I was looking forward to that.

“Which means we must approach the rebel mages for help.” 

I agreed with Leliana. I had only ever chosen the templar route 1 time. 

“And I still disagree. The Templars could serve just as well.”

Oh Cullen, sweet naive Cullen. But, when you choose the mages, the templars come to serve Corypheshit. Maybe there was a way of avoiding that?

“We need power, Commander. Emagic poured into that mark–” 

Cassandra began before she was interrupted by Cullen-

"Might destroy us all. Templars could suppress the breach, weaken it so–”

Who in turn was interrupted by Leliana. 

“Pure speculation.”

“I was a Templar. I know what they’re capable of.”

Yup. Yet he still wanted us to choose the templars. It baffled me.

“Unfortunately, neither group will even speak to us yet. The Chantry has denounced the Inquisition – and you, specifically.”

Josephine, ever the voice of reason, reminded us not too gently before looking pointedly at me. 

“Can’t you just ignore them?”

That was usually my approach to religion. Why wouldn’t it work here?

It was Leliana who answered.

“If only that was possible.”

“Some are calling you – a Dalish elf – the 'Herald of Andraste.’ That frightens the Chantry.”

Josephine explained. 

“You’d think that would make them reconsider things.” 

I commented, and smiled until I realized I was standing in a room of believers. 

Josephine nodded however. 

“The remaining Clerics have declared it blasphemy, and we heretics for harboring you.”

“Chancellor Roderick’s doing, no doubt.”

Cassandra said. 

“It limits our options. Approaching the mages or templars for help is currently out of the question.”

Josephine declared. Which was why they would make me go to the Hinterlands. I just hoped I got a fast horse so I could outrun the bears.

“Not to state the obvious. But shouldn’t they worry more about the Breach?”

Capital B. It deserved no less. 

“They do know that it is a threat, they just don’t think we can stop it.”

Cullen said, looking annoyed. For good measure, Josephine added.

“The Chantry is telling everyone that you’ll make it worse.“

“Nice of them.”

The chantry could fuck off for all I cared. I couldn’t remember them helping the Inquisition once.

“There is something you can do. A Chantry Cleric by the name Mother Giselle has asked to speak to you. She is not far, and knows those involved far better than I. Her assistance could be invaluable.”

Leliana said and so it was. The Hinterlands was calling my name. 

“Alright. I’ll talk to her.”

I said. At least I’d been doing horseback riding as a kid. It would probably take some time getting to the Hinterlands, more so than the seconds it took pushing that button on my ps4 controller.

They asked me to recruit agents for the Inquisition while I was there and then that was it. Meeting over.

After a big lunch, I made my way to the stables - just to find no horse. All empty. I blinked a little, as my companions came down. 

"Looking for something?" Varric asked.

I slowly looked over at him. None of them wore any riding gear or had any for that matter. So… walking. All the way to the hinterlands. Are you kidding me? A gentle voice in the back of my head reminded me that Scout Harding was going to point me in the direction of Horsemaster Dennet. Thank god I only had to make this trek once. Maybe I'd wake up from the dream while bored to death on the hike. 

"No, I was just… nevermind. Let's go"

We strode off and I immediately knew what I had to do. I walked next to Solas and slowed down so there was space between us and the others.

He didn’t look at me much differently than yesterday before he realized that I was drunk, but I still felt the need to clear the air. 

“I just wanted to apologize-”

I began, looking him in the eyes because that’s what you did when you had acted like a jerk, even though they had deserved it. Well, he hadn’t technically done anything yet to deserve it, but he would. I’d save my assholeness for then.

But then he interrupted me before I was able to finish my sentence, and that was kinda rude?

“There is no need. I understand da’len.” 

Darn, he interrupted me to be nice. Solas 1 - Me 0.

I sighed. 

“No, cause I acted like a total asshat. I was drunk, but that’s no excuse. I wasn’t handling my situation… “ - “this whole herald thing” - “and I just took it all out on you. That’s not fair to you, and I am sorry, truly.” 

I let out a breath as I’d been talking really fast. 

It was really quiet in front of us, but of course Cassandra and Varric would want to listen in. They must have heard from someone in Haven what had gone down yesterday. The place was full of gossip and I was their herald. I couldn’t get drunk and yell at Solas without the whole place knowing. They didn’t know why though, at least not until now. 

“You are forgiven.” 

Solas gave me what I’d like to call a pity smile. But it was a very pretty smile so I wasn’t that mad.

I hadn’t pondered about the future of Thedas when it came to Solas and his evil plans. I’d have to be very clever, but for now I was thoroughly occupied with worrying about those bears, and also like.. generally surviving. I wasn’t exactly an expert at magic.

I needed a teacher, but I didn’t want it to be Solas. I hoped we could recruit Dorian fast. But shit, if I went there, then that whole quest would begin, time-travel shenanigans. Didn’t that quest require a certain level? There were no levels in real life. How would that work? At least I knew to stay the fuck away from that one rift near the Redcliffe farm. Where there would be horses. My knees were complaining already.

“Thank you.” 

I cleared my voice, realizing I’d been totally zoning out and probably stared into the air like a possessed abomination would. 

It took a whole day to get there. I was so sore I could barely walk. Cassandra took one look at me and decided I would talk to Mother Gisele first thing the next day. I was very grateful, and tired. Somehow the tents were set up, and I don't remember much apart from tripping on a root and faceplanting onto my 'bed'.


	7. Meeting people

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet Scout Lace Harding and Mother Giselle. We also almost die in battle.

I slept like a rock, and had to be awakened by Cassandra the next day. I wasn’t surprised by the fact that I was still in Thedas anymore. What was it? Day 4? Something like that. I put on my clothes, and brushed my hair with my fingers. Was it too much to ask for a brush around here?

I exited my tent and was ecstatic to see that there was breakfast. If only I had coffee… My mouth watered at the thought. It wasn’t that I really liked the taste of it. But like everyone attending university, at some point I had given in and started abusing coffee. My four coffee-less days here had given me morning headaches, but I still craved it like a drunk student craving McDonalds. 

My companions were all sitting around the fire, eating what looked like porridge. I didn’t mind porridge. But I doubted it would taste like the one I usually made. It consisted of mostly sugar and butter. I doubted that was the case here. 

I had just taken a seat and taken a spoonful of my porridge when none other than the beautiful Lace Harding sat down with us. 

“The Herald of Andraste! I’ve heard the stories. Everyone has. We know what you did at the Breach.”

I was already getting tired of hearing the H-word.

“It’s odd for a Dalish elf to care what happens to anyone else, but you’ll get no back talk here. That’s a promise.”

She added as I tried to swallow my mouthful. It felt kinda racist. But I was new at being the butt of racism, so I wasn’t sure. I nodded indifferently. I could feel Solas’ eyes on me and I hated that he was hearing this, probably using it to further his own cause.

“Inquisition Scout Harding, at your service. I — all of us here — we’ll do whatever we can to help.”

“Harding, huh? Ever been to Kirkwall’s Hightown?”

Varric asked.

“I can’t say I have. Why?”

She replied, as Cassandra’s eyes turned suspicious. 

“You’d be Harding in… oh, never mind.”

Cassandra made a disgusted sound. I snorted loudly. Oh Varric. At least the walk to Redcliffe farm wouldn’t be boring!

“So, what’s the situation here?”

I asked to save Varric from getting smacked by Cassandra in case he were to say something else that was inappropriate. 

“We came to secure horses from Redcliffe’s old horsemaster. I grew up here, and people always said that Dennet’s herd were the strongest and fastest this side of the Frostbacks. But with the mage-templar fighting getting worse, we couldn’t get to Dennet. Maker only knows if he’s even still alive. Mother Giselle’s at the crossroads helping refugees and the wounded. Our latest reports say that the war’s spread there too. Corporal Vale and our men are doing what they can to help protect the people, but they won’t be able to hold out very long. You best get going. No time to lose.”

I finished my porridge as she spoke as she had a lot to say. None of it was new to me. 

“Ser. I have something for you.” A soldier said to Harding and she gave a wave before she followed him to a table of maps.

We packed some potions and I strapped my staff to my back before we made to leave.

“Dispatch for you.

I looked around, waiting for Cassandra to reply when I realized she was talking to me. Oh! This was the requisition officer! That poor woman who had to be at literally every camp I was at to bring me requisitions. 

“Uh, report?” 

It felt like I was giving an order. Like one you would give a dog. But I knew that was what you were supposed to say! 

I was kinda disappointed to learn that the requisition came from dwarven academics at the University of Orlais. They wanted samples of ore from the Hinterlands. 5 Onyx and 10 Iron. It felt so stupid hearing it like that. How did the Inquisition expect the Herald to run around gathering rocks for students? I knew it technically was supposed to give me +1 power or something. But the thought of searching for rocks instead of like acquiring horses or helping refugees was severely messed up. This task was officially moved to the very bottom of my never ending to do list. If I ran into Onyx and Iron I’d surely be wiser to use it on armour or something!

“So where is Mother Giselle?”

I asked Cassandra as we made our way out of the camp. In the game you had that little circle map that showed you where to go, that did not exist in real life. 

Cassandra pulled out a folded, but nonetheless, big ass map and I swallowed. Hypothetically, I knew how maps worked. But I’d tried that sport where you go running and looking for posts with a map, and I had gotten so lost they’d had to send a helicopter to find me. If they relied on me for navigation, we were fucked. Luckily, Cassandra merely rolled it out halfway and staked out a course for us. Oh, Cassandra, I’ll never go without you as my companion! 

“She is not far.” 

At least we were going downhill, and there was no running. And I couldn’t hear any fighting - yet. My staff was strapped on my back. I had gotten used to its weight on the walk here. 

I knew we were about to enter some shit when we passed a dead Inquisition soldier, it felt kinda overkill when we passed another 8 or so. I wouldn’t say I was ready for battle, but I did ready my staff. 

We rounded a corner and the stretch in front of us was literally on fire. Except from some places where it had been turned into ice. Spectacular. I was, what, level 3 or 4? I might level up early enough in the game, but again, I had no idea whether I could die or not. This lucid dream better have been set to casual.

“Looks like they could use a hand.” 

Varric stated as a group of Inquisition soldiers came into view. They were defending refugees from templars and mages. When we approached them, the two groups started attacking us. Better us than the refugees though. There were children present! 

I swallowed down my fear and threw myself into battle. I was shooting off fire and electricity spells, even managing a rare ice one. I was strongest with fire though, and seeing how the apostates favored ice, it worked pretty well. Every spell thrown my way was stopped by Solas’ protective barrier spell. Okay, I had to get him to teach me that one. It was pretty vital. 

It took a while to clear all of them out, but when we did, it didn’t take long for the Inquisition forces to form the refugee base here. And then Mother Giselle showed up with wounded soldiers. 

I wasted no time in approaching her.

“Mother Giselle.”

I was gonna be sweet and all, but then I remembered how homophobic she was to Dorian and my voice came out a little stricter than I’d intended. 

“I am. And you must be the one they’re calling the Herald of Andraste.”

She replied, softly, as if she had not heard or cared for my tone. 

“You asked to see me. Here I am.” 

“I know of the Chantry’s denouncement, and I’m familiar with those behind it. I won’t lie to you: some of them are grandstanding, hoping to increase their chances of becoming the new Divine. Some are simply terrified. So many good people, senselessly taken from us…”

I didn’t mean to roll my eyes, but I was apparently having an attitude today. I’d blame it on all the walking, not to mention the fighting. 

“And that’s their excuse? They are making things worse.”

Giselle nodded, agreeing. 

“They don't know that. This is my point.” - “Go to them. Convince the remaining Clerics you are no demon to be feared. They have heard only frightening tales of you. Give them something else to believe.”

The thought of kissing these religious asses made me feel more than just a little queasy. It definitely showed on my face, because she quickly followed up with:

“If I thought you were incapable. I wouldn’t suggest it.”

I didn’t like that word, incapable. Of course I was capable. I just didn’t necessarily feel like it. I knew that I didn’t have much of a choice but to suck it up. This wasn’t just a video game now. It was a real world who had a buttload of issues, and if I could fix some of them by kissing ass, well then I’d just have to step up.

I sighed. 

“Let me put it this way: you needn’t convince them all. You just need some of them to doubt. Their power is their unified voice. Take that from them, and you receive the time you need.”

If it was that simple, why couldn’t she plant these seeds of doubt?

“I’ll try.”

I begrudgingly said. 

“I honestly don’t know if you’ve been touched by fate or sent to help us… but I hope. Hope is what we need now. The people will listen to your rallying call, as they will listen to no other. You could build the Inquisition into a force that will deliver us… or destroy us. I will go to Haven and provide Sister Leliana the names of those in the Chantry that would be amenable to a gathering. It is not much, but I will do whatever I can.”

It looked like she wanted to hug me after her grand statement, but thankfully she thought better of it and walked away. Probably for the best. Even though there was no killer virus pandemic in Thedas.

I didn’t like the diplomacy part of my new role as Herald, and I knew it would get worse when they made me Inquisitor, if they made me Inquisitor. I sorely felt like taking a bath now and putting on some netflix, maybe get a can of soda. But no, I had to walk all the way to Redcliffe farm, which I knew was conveniently miles away from my current location just so I could run into a ton of sidequests! There was very little I wouldn’t do for someone to just give me a horse now, but i was stretching it at some of the more ridiculous side quests. Not to mention the millions of rifts.

“Redcliffe has seen more than its share of troubles- that the rebellion should play out here...”

Cassandra was saying to Varric and Solas as I walked back to them. They’d thought it better if I met with Mother Giselle on my own.

“Mages and templars, and innocent people caught in the middle. Some things never change.”

But this was nothing but the beginning. The first map, the first proper quest. There were many more steps to go, more elfroot to pick and widows to help. And the antagonist hadn’t even shown his face yet.

We began heading from the crossroads over to Redcliffe farm. It was not that it was far, if I remembered correctly it was more or less directly west until we crossed the river, and then the Farm would be to the North-West. 

We ran into the odd mage, templar and the likes of it on the way. Solas flashed barriers everywhere, Cassandra knocked even the biggest warrior on his ass, and Varric cracked jokes throughout it all. I barely managed to stay alive, cracked a rib, and thought I was going to die. This team did not exactly feel equal yet.

Cassandra took her map yet again and stoically led us there. Since we had started the day with Giselle and clearing out the crossroads for the refugees, it was nightfall by the time Varric suggested we make camp. Redcliffe farm was close enough to touch, but there was no way I would make any sort of good impression if I assaulted them at this time of day. No, whoever suggested camp.. Varric? Was a god sent, and as soon as the tents were standing I had crawled in and fell asleep. My legs were jelly, my brain was numb, and I think Solas attempted to heal my broken rib. I hoped he did. Despite having a big fucking root in my back I fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I've been following the plot of the game too much, so I'm gonna try to be more inventive in the next chapter


	8. Solas is an asshat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We talk to the requisition officer and get mad at Solas.

“Good morning Lucky, or maybe I should call you Sleepy instead.”

Varric had a nice voice, but it was arguably still the asscrack of dawn, and I wasn’t exactly an ‘early bird gets the worm’ in every sort of reality. Especially not one in which I kept sleeping on the dirt ground. Could someone invent mattresses already? 

“I’d say I’m usually more sleepy than lucky.”

I replied, to which he chuckled.

I had just pulled the flap of the tent aside and was peeking out at him. He was sitting by the fire, tinkering with Bianca. There were other Inquisition soldiers here, including that poor requisition officer whose name I’d yet to learn. Solas was reading a book by the water and Cassandra was looking at a map over a table. 

After eating a mediocre bowl of oatmeal, I approached the unnamed requisition officer. 

“Nothing to report, ser.”

“Oh right, yeah. It wasn’t- I never got your name.”

I remarked, giving her a smile. 

“Oh, it’s Blair, Serah.”

“Nice name. My name is Kaya. I hope you can call me that instead of ser.”

I wasn’t actually sure whether my name in this world would be Ellana, but I did know that I wouldn’t respond to it. Better to stick with my own name. 

“Of course, Serah Kaya. You may refer to me as Blair if you wish serah.”

I left the req- Blair, and walked back over to camp.

“I hope you too will call me by my name. I can be the Herald to the Inquisition, but I just wanna be Kaya to you.”

I said to my companions as we walked towards the farm and the horsemaster. I wouldn’t even complain about my feet today because by the end of today we’d have horses!!! I’d never been this excited about horses. 

“That sounds good to me, Lucky.” 

Varric said, while I rolled my eyes. Who’d’ve known a world famous author couldn’t spell.

“Of course.”

Solas nodded at me. 

Cassandra looked at me as if she wasn’t sure whether it was possible to call me anything but Herald. Then she thought better of it and nodded too. 

“As you wish.”

The horsemaster’s house was pretty big and I hoped to god he was home as I knocked on the door. My poor feet couldn’t take any more walking. 

The gods must be listening, cause he was home and he let us in. 

“I hear your Inquisition is looking for mounts. I can’t just send a hundred of the finest horses in Ferelden down the road like you’d send a letter… You’ll have mounts once I know they won’t end up as a cold winter’s breakfast.”

“Fair enough.” 

I would do anything to get those horses. And what he was asking was reasonable. The dude even offered me a horse up front as I did his tasks.

His wife asked me to fight the wolves and Bronn asked me to set up the watchtowers. Done and done.

  
  


We decided to split up and I went with Solas to put up the markers for the watch towers. 

“So how do you do the barrier thing?”

I asked.

He’d been kind of quiet the last day, which was different from how I knew him to be in the game. In the game he’d always have a smart retort no matter who he was talking to. Was it my fault? I’d been wary around him because of the obvious reasons, not wanting him to know about my circumstances, but also because of his circumstances. The whole wanting his own world back despite it killing the current world off. Well most of it. Since the 4th game hadn’t come out yet, I didn’t know what the world would look like for sure. I’d only read fics about it and they all had different versions. But none of them was anything to look forward to. Most of them agreed that the closer to magic you were, the more likely you would be to survive. Elves were a given, but if you weren’t a mage you’d basically die. That meant Cassandra, Josephine, Leliana, Varric, Cullen and so many more. 

Being friendly with someone who might cause this wasn’t easy. And the worst thing about it was that I felt like a dick for not talking to him! If not even being the love of his life would stop him from pursuing this crazy dream, then why would I bother with being his friend?

“Did your keeper not train you? I heard you were her first?”

Uh. Fuck. Maybe I could claim I had memory loss after the conclave? A mage Lavellan was first. I did remember that. But the name of _my_ keeper? I’d google it if I could, and I can’t. No more googling. Thedas didn’t have internet. You’d have to read stuff and remember.

“I apologize. I did not mean to assume.”

He added as I hesitated. His eyes had turned sympathetic, which was good for me but bad for his impression of ‘modern’ elves. 

Solas wasn’t that much taller than me, but he certainly carried himself with the height of a qunari. It was real regal looking. Maybe not odd for a living breathing god. I could see why he would feel the need to dress in bohemian clothes. He already looked mighty. If anyone knew what powers he truly possessed, I’d gather they wouldn’t feel particularly safe around him. He had to seem like a simple apostate to avoid looking like a threat to the inquisition. At this moment in time, he needed us as much as we needed him. He couldn’t bring his own world back before the breach was closed after all.

I smiled at him, as fake as a tan in January.

“No worries. I think I may have suffered from memory loss or something. I can’t seem to remember much of the time before the conclave.”

“Why have you not mentioned this before?”

He stopped, and seemed genuinely concerned. 

I brushed him off. 

“Well, we had bigger things to worry about and then we were fighting all those people and I guess- I just forgot.”

I shrugged. He sighed.

“Ir abelas, da’len. ( _ I am sorry, child) _ I am no healer, but I will help you so long as you promise you will see a healer as soon as possible.”

For some strange reason, my stomach felt all tingly. And at the same time it felt like he could see right through me. Which was also scary. Maybe the tingling in my stomach was just fear? It was better than the alternative. But I had to learn more magic if I were to survive. 

“I promise!” 

He gave me one of his slight smiles. 

“Stand like this.”

He showed me how, but seemed displeased by my posture and moved to be behind me. 

“Any time a man wants to show a woman how to do something from behind it's just because he wants an excuse to get real close and breathe on her neck.”

I stated as he put his hands on my shoulders to lower them. He immediately let go and took a step back. I could even swear I heard a tiny gasp. Hmm. I didn’t know him to be a prude.

“I meant -” 

“-Joking! I’m just messing with you, Solas!”

I interrupted and turned towards him with a big shit eating grin on my face. 

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it.”

He shook his head slowly, as if he couldn’t believe this new side of me that I was showing him. And possibly also like he wanted to throw a snowball at me. Too bad it was summer. Although, I suppose he could just make a snowball. A tempting thought. I’d only have to learn ice magic first. I’d only managed fire and lightning.

“You are not what I expected.”

He said earnestly. Well obviously he wasn’t expecting a 23 year old from another world who’d seen the events of this world because she’d played them as a video game. But even so, I knew there were so many different elves in Thedas that the bar for surprising Solas would be low. Imagine if Sera became the Herald. Surely he’d become shocked mute by her.

“What did you expect?”

I asked. As if I didn’t already know the answer and hadn’t heard it or read it too many times. And he didn’t disappoint, or rather- surprise me, this time either. 

“If the Dalish could raise someone with a spirit like yours... have I misjudged them?”

I raised my brows. 

“What? Not enough halla worshipping for you? I can do a pretty spot on Halla bleat impression if you’re interested.”

I was teasing him, but he didn’t realize, or maybe he thought I was playing right into his stereotype of Dalish people, because he answered in a tight voice. As if the Dalish had had a sleepover he hadn’t been invited too. 

“They are children, acting out stories misheard and repeated wrongly a thousand times.”

My eyes rolled at their own record at this point. See, this is why Dalish people don’t like you Solas. For someone so old, you of all should realize this. It was like old people and tiktok. These were different times, and he couldn’t accept that.

“Oh cause you know everything?”

I wasn’t hard to antagonize, and something about his puffed sense of know-it-all-ness was irking the hell out of me. It might have had something to do with the fact that I hadn’t seen my siblings or friends in a week because I was stuck in another freaking world, and I rarely went long without arguing with someone, giving me all this pent up frustration that I had to take out on someone. Hell, I could take offense to anything, but this old ass manchild alienating his own people was simply the tip of the iceberg. 

“While they pass on stories mangling details. I walk the fade. I have seen things they have not.”

Some place deep inside my amygdala remembered that the OG Lavellan was supposed to apologize for her people - no not even her people, just elves in general - for not treating him right. As if Lavellan was responsible for every elf in Thedas. I certainly wasn’t going to apologize. That wouldn’t sit right with me. Elves being treated the way they were might very well be connected to his actions all those years ago. And he could say what he wanted about his intentions and how he didn’t want his people to be slaves, but he sure had a funny way to amend it. It was like he didn’t mind there being slaves, he just didn’t want elves to be slaves, other races were fine. I had to bite my tongue to avoid throwing this in his face as I wasn’t supposed to know.

“And so what? So what if their stories are all wrong. They’re oral stories. And it is only natural that the culture of a people changes with time.”

I was seething, but trying my best to seem calm and unaffected by his words. I didn’t want to alienate the dalish even further. 

“You are right, of course. The fault is mine for expecting what the Dalish could never truly accomplish. Ir abelas. If I can offer any understanding, you have but to ask.”

The fact that the only calm and unaffected one of us was him didn’t help my anger. He was treating me like he was the one caught in a dream. As if nothing here mattered because in a matter of time, the world would be back to normal. Maybe if I slapped him in the face, he’d wake up. No, that would be bad for morale. Maybe he’d even just cut my hand off now and close the breach on his own. Though, if that was a possibility he’d already have done it. He was an asshat, and I’d never romance him again. That was for sure.

Also, what he was saying was a backhanded compliment if I’d ever heard one, but… I’d be mature and let it lie. I still wanted to learn magic, at least until we could get Dorian. 

I forced out a “thank you” and willed my temper to calm down a couple of notches. 

The air became heavy around us. We’d had two whole conversations and both of them had ended with me yelling at him and him apologizing, but not quite. I sure was doing a great job of making him despise me. At this rate he wouldn’t even be sorry about taking my arm. I clutched it at the thought and his eyes followed the movement. 

“I am sorry too.”

I sighed. I didn’t mean it one bit, but it seemed appropriate.

“I haven’t been away from my f- clan for this long before, and I seem to be taking it out on you. If you’ll teach me the barrier I’ll promise not to yell at you until tomorrow.” 

He smiled at me at that. An annoyingly pretty smile. I wish he was as ugly as the villains in Roald Dahl's books, cause he sure had ugly thoughts. I’d say genocide counted as an ugly thought.

“I am honoured you would think of me as kin.” - “Chin up. Square your shoulders, imagine the barrier coming from within and covering the ground beneath you, giving it a color might help.”

I did as he said, even closing my eyes for cinematic effect. When I didn’t feel any different, I opened one eye, peeking at the ground. It didn’t look any different. I sighed. 

“Try again.”

He suggested.

I did. And then again, and again and again, and just when I thought I’d give up I felt it. Where Solas’ barriers felt like a cool wind on a warm day, my barrier felt like the sun on your face, a sort of glowy warmth. 

“I did it!” 

I exclaimed. My eyes went from the golden circle surrounding my feet and then to him. I was ashamed that the pride on his smile didn’t annoy me as much as it should have.

“So you did. Perhaps we shall mark the watchtowers now?”

I snorted in an unladylike manner. 

“Yeah.”


	9. Sometimes you just have to stop and smell the flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clan Lavellan wants to know whether she is alive, we stop to smell flowers and Varric is a good friend.

We finished our tasks and got the horses from Dennet. I could have cried of happiness, but decided not to. Instead I peppered my beautiful horse with kisses. I gave her the incredibly original and grand name Horsie and vowed to always keep sugar cubes on me so that she would love me just as highly as I loved her. 

“You’re in a good mood Lucky.” 

We were walking back to camp, our horses in tow. I didn’t want to admit that my good mood had to do with the horses. The Dalish were supposed to be accustomed to travelling on foot. They lived on the road. So, I did what any reasonable person would do. I stopped and picked up a random flower. One that I couldn’t say I recognized. It wasn’t elfroot. 

“Oh Varric. Sometimes you just have to stop and smell the flowers.” 

I said with a smile, and demonstratively smelled the flower I’d plucked. 

“Those are poisonous!” 

Cassandra exclaimed with a shriek. Varric attempted to stop the chuckle escaping his lips.

“Shit.”

Solas plucked another one of the flowers to get a closer look and let go of a relieved breath.

“It will not kill her.”

I looked at him incredulously. 

“And?”

I’d already let go of the flower I’d sniffed. 

“You might obtain a rash.”

Solas replied seriously. I turned to Cassandra, but Varric beat me to the punch. 

“Really Seeker? You let a wolf take a bite of my arm, but Lucky smells a dodgy flower and you’re ready to lay down your sword? You wound me.”

Cassandra made a sound of disgust and shook her head. I frankly began to laugh.

“If she ate it, she could get really ill.” 

It wasn’t a great retort. 

“Why would I eat it?”

She shrugged, opened her mouth and then closed it without speaking. 

“Why would you smell it?”

I nodded. Touché. That was a fair point.

“I’ll be more careful with what I smell from now on. Deal?” 

Varric looked like he’d give his left hand for a quill and a notebook right now. Even Solas looked entertained. 

Cassandra sighed. 

“Just be careful. We only have one Herald...That is you, Kaya. Without you we have no means of closing the breach.”

…

We closed a number of rifts on our way back to Haven, but I couldn’t say I felt any better at it. At least I got to practice my barrier. It felt really nice throwing it over someone. 

It was night by the time we arrived, but it certainly wasn’t quiet. There was a large crowd of templars and mages outside the doors of the Chantry. 

I was really missing my bed, but felt drawn to it, like a moth to a flame. A really stupid moth.

“Your kind killed the Most Holy!”

“Lies — your kind let her die.”

“Shut your mouth, mage!”

The templar who’d been speaking moved to draw his sword, but Cullen intervened, wisely placing himself between the two groups. 

“Knight-Captain!”

The templar exclaimed, sheathing his sword. 

“That is not my title. We are not templars any longer. We are all part of the Inquisition!”

Cullen proclaimed for everyone to hear. 

And then chancellor Rodrick showed up out of what seemed like thin air. But he was probably just standing there the whole time, listening without doing anything to stop this conflict. I could already feel a headache coming before he opened his mouth. 

“And what does that mean, exactly?”

Cullen too seemed annoyed. 

“Back already, Chancellor? Haven’t you done enough?”

“I’m curious, Commander, as to how your Inquisition and it’s “Herald” will restore order as you’ve promised.”

“Of course you are.” -

He then turned to the crowd -

“Back to your duties, all of you.”

I almost turned around too, but realized I couldn’t just leave poor Cullen alone with this fanatic. 

“Mages and templars were already at war. Now they’re blaming each other for the Divine’s death.”

Cullen said. I wish I could just come clean about the whole thing. But for one, I didn’t think anyone would believe me and too, well I knew for a fact that even when Corypheus came clear, that feud didn’t simply stop.

“Which is why we require a proper authority to guide them back to order.”

Roderick said with clear disdain in his voice. I knew my face was all scrunched up from my aversion to this guy. But it had been a really long day and I wasn’t in the mood to pretend to be indifferent. 

“Who, you? Random clerics who weren’t important enough to be at the Conclave?”

Cullen responded. I felt like his hype man for laughing, but it was funny and Cullen was a good guy. He deserved a hype man.

“The rebel Inquisition and it’s so-called ‘Herald of Andraste’? I think not.”

I snorted, and then proceeded to grin as I saw how much that disgusted the chancellor. Would spitting mucus out by his feet be taking it too far? Probably. For Cullen’s sake, and in an attempt to keep the peace with this snuck up nobody-chancellor, I refrained from doing it. Maybe next time. Nothing worse in the world than a nasty woman, right?

“Guess what? If that proper authority of yours hadn’t failed in the first place. We wouldn’t be necessary.”

I told the chancellor. It was a verbal fuck you. Judging by the look of his face, he got the message.

“So you suggest I blame the Chantry and exalt a murderer? What of Justice?”

I rolled my eyes. Luckily Cullen answered.

“That won’t help restore order in the here and now.”

“Order will never be restored so long as this rebellion is allowed to fester.”

I wanted to tell him he sounded like Darth Sidious, but I doubted he’d get the reference. 

“The Inquisition will be leaving for Val Royeaux in a couple of days. We will see what they have to say.”

Cullen sighed. It sounded like he just wanted this conversation to end. I didn’t blame him, and did felt sorry for him. But alas I couldn’t help but adding:

“Let’s hope we find a solution, and not a cathedral full of chancellors.”

Rodrick glared at us both at this point, but Cullen merely smiled at me and gently shook his head. 

“The stuff of nightmares.”

…

I made sure to walk the less frequented walk to my cabin in order to avoid people, and was luckily not stopped by anyone. I was even luckier because someone had brought me a meal that wasn’t oatmeal. I never thought I could dislike oatmeal, but I had had it every day while travelling in the Hinterlands, and the taste had just diminished. My last bowl of oatmeal had tasted what I guessed mud tasted like. I know the Inquisition soldiers worked hard, so I certainly ate every bit of it, but by god. If I never had to eat oatmeal again it would be too soon. 

I sat down by my desk to enjoy this wonderful meal that consisted of chicken and potatoes and some sauce. Best night meal ever. Usually I’d be scrolling my phone for meals, and while travelling I’d been talking to my companions and Blair the requisition officer. So now I felt oddly lonely.

There was an empty notebook lying on the desk with a quill and ink, so I started drawing a bit to entertain myself, while munching on the delicious meal, when a thought struck. I should write down situations I might be able to stop before I forgot them. I felt like I’d already forgotten so much about Thedas since I couldn’t rely on my phone and the internet. 

Okay so. I couldn’t change the entire course of events. If I did, I’d lose my advantage completely and I wouldn’t know how things were to end. But there were smaller things I would be able to stop? People who died unnecessarily? Like Cassandra’s friend. Also that whole ordeal with the seekers and tranquility. But how would I play it off? Anonymous tip? Was that even a thing in Thedas? Ugh. If I only knew I’d be stuck here, I’d done some more research before I went to bed that night. What day had it even been?

I wondered if the world had gone on without me or if time moved differently in these two worlds. Maybe it was like Narnia where I’d go back there if I died or something. Well, I wasn’t exactly keen on finding out whether that idea was true. It’d be a bit of a gamble and I was terrible at gambling. I had the worst poker face, so it was honestly a win that I wasn’t found out already.

Maybe writing this stuff down wasn’t the best idea? Anyone could walk in here and read this. I crossed out what I’d written, and when I thought that wasn’t good enough, I ripped it out and tossed it in the fire. Better safe than sorry. It would be too stupid if I fucked up my advantage because someone read my goddamn diary. 

Having finished my meal I washed off and went straight to bed, almost moaning at how soft and comfortable it was. If anyone woke me up before I’d had a proper 8 hours of sleep, I would simply play dead.

…

“There is a letter from Clan Lavellan.”

Josephine announced as we were all standing around that map table with fancy chess pieces. It was bigger than I thought it would be, and there were only a handful of pieces yet, because we were just at the beginning of it all. 

“Oh?” - “What are they saying?”

I’d always been kind of disappointed that there wasn’t a quest where you could meet Clan Lavellan, but now that turned out to be quite lucky. Would they see me as an imposter? I had no idea who this body belonged to until I suddenly popped into it. Maybe we’d switched bodies? For her sake, I hoped not. She would have no insights of my world and the 21 first century. She’d probably be put in a psych ward or something. First thing after this meeting, I’d go find some books about the fade. 

“They want to know if you are being held prisoner.” 

“Uh.” 

I know what you’re thinking and yes, I have always been this eloquent. 

“They wish to hear from you directly. I will provide you with what you need.”

“Thank you.”

I said, taking the letter, relieved to see that it was written in english.

“My elven agents can deliver your letter and a token that shows good faith.”

Leliana added and put a pin down over the map where Clan Lavellan was based. It was in the far upper right corner of the map. Cullen nodded and Josephine crossed a point off her board. Her to-do list? 

“Having the Herald address the clerics is not a terrible idea.” - “I know what you think of her. But mother Giselle isn’t wrong: at the moment, the Chantry’s only strength is that they are united in opinion.”

Josephine said, her eyes on the big figure that symbolized Val Royeaux. 

“You’re saying we should just ignore the danger to the Herald?”

Leliana countered. And here I thought Leliana didn’t like me. 

It was Cullen who thought to look at me. 

“What do you think?”

“It can’t hurt.”

I said and shrugged, knowing that it wouldn’t solve shit, but it did mean I would get to meet and recruit Sera, and when I got back Krem ought to be asking for people to talk to. That’s two companions, of which the cost was to see if I could just outlast some chancellors. Plus, Val Royeaux was sure to have a better selection of books that could possibly explain my situation. 

“I will go with her. Mother Giselle said she could provide us names? Let us use them.”

Cassandra had been quiet up until now to the point that I had forgotten she was even there. 

…

I went back to my little cabin with some new quills, paper and an Inquisition stamp that was really cute. We would leave in a couple of hours so I sat down with a cup of tea provided by Flissa to write a letter to my Clan. Or. Lavellan’s clan. Which was me, but not really. It was weird to think about. 

I dipped the quill in ink and stared at the blank piece of paper. What would I say? Hi clan. It’s totally me, not a stranger from a different world currently stuck in this body. I am not a prisoner and I am actually the Herald of Andraste now, so you don’t have to worry about me. 

“Fuck.”

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose, not even realizing I wasn’t alone until Varric cleared his voice pointedly. 

“Writer’s block? I know the feeling.”

I almost jumped out of my seat, but laughed when I turned and saw that it was just Varric. 

“Jeez Louis Varric. Ever heard of knocking?”

He looked a little puzzled at my expression, but went on nonetheless. 

“I did knock, three times. And here I thought elves were supposed to have superior hearing.”

I snorted. He walked up to the desk and peeked down at my empty letter. 

“That bad, huh?”

A sigh escaped my lips. 

“I’ve never written a letter before.”

It wasn’t a lie. I wasn’t a good liar, so I tried to keep to half truths, and this was pretty close to being a whole truth. Letters weren’t really a thing in the 21 century.

Varric frowned. 

“Do you.. want me to write it for you?”

‘Oh’. He must have thought I meant I couldn’t write at all. Obviously, that wasn’t the case. And I’m sure the real Lavellan knew how to write, her being a first and all. But I was so worried they wouldn’t recognize my writing and then show up here and they’d see through me and it would all go to shit.

“Would you?”

“Of course Lucky. Perks of having an author friend.”

I smiled at him and got out of my chair before handing him my quill. He sat down before looking at me expectantly. I bit the inside of my cheek. 

“Uhm. Can you write that I am okay and that I am not a prisoner, but I wanna stay and help the Inquisition, and that I miss them?”

Varric nodded and went to work. He had very pretty writing. But that shouldn’t surprise me. He was a best selling author. 

“And sign it with Ellana.”

I added as he finished up. 

At that he looked up at me with a quizzical look on his face. 

“Ellana? I thought your name was Kaya?”

I blinked stupidly. 

“I.. I changed it.” 

I didn’t offer any explanation, because I was shitty at making things up just like that, but luckily he didn’t ask. 

“Alright, you’re still Lucky to me.”

He gave me a warm smile, that made me feel so safe I could cry, before he signed it with Ellana. He then closed it and stamped it. 

“There.” - “I was actually on my way to see Leliana before I stopped by. Want me to give her that for you?”

He asked as he got up.

“That would be great. Thank you so much Varric. You’re a true friend.”


	10. Yelling profanities at templars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaya goes to the book store, yells at templars and runs into Fiona.

“The city still mourns.”

Cassandra said, in what I think was a warning. As if to not upset anyone.

But I wasn’t really listening. It had only taken a couple of hours on horseback, but all I could do was stare at my surroundings. I only need one word to describe Val Royeaux: Grand. It was the kind of grand that reminded me of Versailles. The similarities didn’t stop with the architecture. Just seeing what people were wearing was all very french revolutionary inspired. The people who lived here didn’t need anything, and all over Thedas, people were piss poor, starving and being killed by demons from the breach, templars and apostates. It wasn’t even two days ago that we’d hunted just so refugees could have enough to eat. Maybe when I got to the ball, I’d invent democracy. 

“Just a guess seeker, but I think they all know who we are.”

Varric noted, as a couple froze when they saw us and then all but ran in the opposite direction. 

“Your skills of observation never fail to impress me Varric.”

Cassandra tone was quite dry. If I hadn’t been preoccupied with my socialistic ideas, I would have laughed. 

A scout came to warn us about there being templars here and I did my best to seem as surprised as the rest of my companions.

“They wish to protect the people? From us?”

Cassandra said as we entered the city. 

“Maybe they’re scared.”

I suggested and blinked at her. Varric grinned, and Solas was stoic as always.

“Surely, they cannot be.” 

Cassandra didn’t sound too sure, but she stopped and told the scout to report back to Haven that we would be delayed.

“The templars will help us as they always have. There’s no need for the Inquisition.”

We heard a guy tell his friend as we approached the crowd that had emerged in front of a stage with chantry clerics. It didn’t cure Cassandra’s frown one bit. 

“Good people of Val Royeaux, hear me! Together, we mourn our Divine. Her naive and beautiful heart silenced by treachery! You wonder what will become of her murderer. Well, wonder no more! Behold, the so-called Herald of Andraste! Claiming to rise where our beloved fell. We say this is a false prophet!”

I think she was what they called a revered mother, but what she was saying wasn’t particularly admirable. I didn’t like how she pointed at me either, like I was some kind of dirty Judas. It certainly put me in the spotlight. Every single head in the crowd turned my way. Cassandra took a step closer to me and put a hand on her sword. 

“Calm down, we’re just here to talk about stopping the breach.”

I said, proud of myself for being so civil when this so called revered mother was ready to nail me to a cross.

“It’s true! The Inquisition seeks only to end this madness before it is too late!”

Cassandra added animatedly. 

“It is already too late!” - “The templars have returned to the Chantry! They will face this “Inquisition,” and the people will be safe once more!”

The revered mother exclaimed dramatically before she pointed to a squad of templars that approached the stage. I knew what was coming, but I saw no way to stop it without escalating this conflict like 9 notches up.

And then some ugly ass templar punched her in the face. Knowing that it wasn’t smart to stop it didn’t lessen my guilt at all. I knew it was only a punch and that she would live and eventually the bruises would fade too, but damn. It looked like it hurt a lot. And it was so unnecessary. I’ve never wanted to spit someone in the face more than today. 

“Still yourself. She is beneath us.”

The lord seeker called out. 

“You ugly motherfuckers!”

It just slipped out of me. The crowd collectively gasped, Cassandra’s head whipped towards me and I could feel Solas disapproval heavy in the air, but I swore I could hear Varric faintly trying to smother a chuckle, which made it all worth it.

I knew the lord seeker whose name would not be mentioned was supposed to reply, but it seemed I had insulted him speechless. I considered that an improvement. 

“Lord Seeker Lucius, it’s imperative that we speak with—

Cassandra began, approaching him as he stormed off the stage. I followed.

“You will not address me.” 

He replied in that heinous self-important voice of his as the templars gathered around him. I could see that some of them seemed interested in what Cassandra had to say.

“Lord Seeker?”

Cassandra tried again.

“Creating a heretical movement, raising up a puppet as Andraste’s prophet. You should be ashamed. You should all be ashamed! The templars failed no one when they left the Chantry to purge the mages! You are the ones who failed! You who’d leash our righteous swords with doubt and fear! If you came to appeal to the Chantry, you are too late. The only destiny here that demands respect is mine.”

I rolled my eyes and turned to the soldiers surrounding him. My fingers itched to flip him off. 

“Do you really want to follow someone who lets you punch revered mothers? Someone who is not even willing to talk to the only ones who are trying to do something about the giant green hole in the sky? Cullen joined us to stop the breach. You have that option as well, and I think you should take it.”

I’d never been a speech kinda girl before. But that punch had really riled me up.

Some of the soldiers shared looks, but then the lord seeker opened his vile mouth again.

“I will make the templar order a power that stands alone against the void. We deserve recognition. Independence! You have shown me nothing, and the Inquisition… less than nothing.”

Okay boomer. Seriously, this felt like talking to a wall. 

He turned towards his soldiers then and proceeded to yell at them. 

“Val Royeaux is unworthy of our protection! We march!

I really thought a couple of them would stay. I’d seen the doubt in their faces. But they all followed him out of the city nonetheless. It was disappointing. 

“Charming fellow, isn’t he.”

Varric commented.

“Has Lord Seeker Lucius gone mad?”

Cassandra seemed utterly flabbergasted. 

If I remember correctly, he was possessed by an envy demon. An envy demon you got to deal with if you chose the support of the templars.

Maybe there was something I could do about it to save his soldiers?

“How well do you know him?”

I asked her.

“He took over the Seekers of Truth two years ago, after Lord Seeker Lambert’s death. He was always a decent man, never given to grandstanding. This is very bizarre.”

I nodded. Yup. Possessed. I wondered if Solas knew?

“Do you think he can be reasoned with?”

“I hope so. If not him, there are surely others in the Order who don’t feel as he does” - “Either way, we should first return to Haven and inform the others.”

“Mind if I take a look around first? I wanna see if they carry my book here. My publisher always claimed I sold poorly in Val Royeaux, and I wanna see whether he’s telling the truth.”

Varric interjected. Cassandra sighed but nodded. 

“I’ll go with you!” 

…

As soon as Varric and I had split from the others, I regretted it. What if Solas was meeting up with his agents here? But if they did, he’d probably find some way to talk to them even if I was keeping a close eye on him. Damn.

But before I got to ponder more about my possible fuck up. An arrow landed in front of my feet. 

“An arrow with a note. Very mysterious, Lucky.”

Varric noted as I picked up the note, already knowing who it was from.

‘People say you’re special. I want to help, and I can bring everyone. 

There’s a baddie in Val Royeaux. I hear he wants to hurt you. Have a search for the red things in the market, the docks, and ‘round the cafe, and maybe you’ll meet him first. Bring swords. 

Friends of red Jenny’

It included a poor drawing of the locations in the market which made me smile. 

“Looks like we’re going treasure hunting, Varric.”

We rounded the corner and I almost walked right into a tall mage-looking fellow. Quite right as he confirmed whether I was the Herald and then gave me a letter inviting me to see Vivienne. I waited until he left to scrunch my nose. Vivienne was one of those characters I’d always liked to hate. Not someone I was particularly keen on meeting. I wish I could just send someone in my place, but I suppose she would be useful to the Inquisition.

“Someone’s popular today.” 

Varric laughed at my expression and raised his brows when I showed him the invitation. 

“First enchanter huh. You bring a nice outfit for this occasion?” 

“No, you?”

“I always look nice.”

He argued, to which I snorted. He shot me an incredulous look as if I’d greatly wounded him and we walked on into the market. 

We picked up Sera’s little clues before we went to the book shop.

It didn’t take Varric long to spot his own book. It was in the best selling section. 

“I knew it! That sneaky bastard!” 

He exclaimed before proceeding to dive into a heated discussion with the bookshop owner about rights. 

I wasn’t quite sure where to start. In what section might a book about body swapping between worlds be? 

Not in the magic section. I did find a book about the fade though, which I saved to buy. 

It wasn’t in the ‘science’ section either, as far as I could tell. 

The fiction section didn’t include any otherworldly books. If my memory was better, I could write books from my world and sell them here. I probably also didn’t have time for that. I had a world to save, not just from the rifts, but also from Solas. Something I should invest more thoughts into.

I doubted the history section would be of any use, but I looked through it nonetheless. And I was glad of it. Amongst the oldest ones, there was a pretty marred book, but I could still clearly read the title: Tales of a world traveler. I couldn’t believe my own two eyes, but even after a few blinks, the book was still there. I’d finally earned my nickname. I would never complain about it again! I picked it up and turned it around, but the author’s name was so smudged I couldn’t read it. It didn’t have a date either. No matter. This couldn’t be a simple coincidence. As far as I knew, Thedas wasn’t advanced enough to speculate about parallel universes. And this was in the history section!

I decided to pick out a book on elemental magic, and by the time I returned to the seller, he and Varric seemed to have come to an agreement. Varric argued that since he’d been cheated of his part of the money for his books, I would not have to pay for mine. The bookshop owner agreed begrudgingly, but I suspected it was mostly to have us leave.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t worry about it Lucky. He’s lucky that’s all I asked. I could have bankrupted the man.”

“But then who would have sold your books?”

“Exactly.”

I shrugged. 

I was dying to read my mysterious world traveller book, but we had a certain red Jenny to meet. 

…

“If I might have a moment of your time?”

I turned around and was faced with Fiona. I’d forgotten that she showed up here too. And then she’d go back to Redcliffe and Alexius would fuck with time so that she didn’t go. And yet, here she was, meeting with me. That was difficult to wrap my head around. 

“Grand enchantress Fiona?”

Cassandra said, seeming more surprised than me at this encounter.

“Leader of the Mage rebellion. Is it not dangerous for you to be here?”

At this point I was suspicious at everything Solas said. Would Maeve support his side when the time came? She was an elven mage. 100% had she been through some shit. Not that I considered trauma reason good enough to support world annihilation.

“I heard of this gathering, and I wanted to see the fabled Herald of Andraste with my own eyes.”

Fiona said. I could feel her stare on my face tattoos. The so-called slave markings that Solas despised so vividly. I thought they looked rather cool. Fiona seemed rather surprised at the sight of me. Maybe she’d heard me curse at the templars? 

“If it’s help with the breach you seek, perhaps you should look among your fellow mages.”

She added. 

I’d always liked Fiona, and had picked the mages 9/10 times when I played the game. But I wondered whether there was a way for me to stop Alexius before he got the chance to fuck up things? Or would that mess up the timeline? Would that lead to something worse happening? 

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”

I replied warily. 

“Then consider this an invitation to Redcliffe: come meet with the mages. An alliance could help us both, after all. I hope to see you there. Au revior, my lady Herald.”

I bit my lip. I couldn’t just let her leave like this. 

“Don’t go making any other alliances now.”

I said, trying to play it off as a warning and half-joke at the same time. Fiona wasn’t the only one looking at me strangely, but I had to say something.


	11. Jesus is a Dalish curse word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lavellan recruits Sera and Vivienne and gets hit on by Sera and Solas

It was dark by the time we were headed to meet up with my ‘mysterious’ red Jenny. I’d explained the letter to Solas and Cassandra on the way. But the energy in the group was still a bit off after running into Fiona. It had to be my weird warning. Maybe I should have stayed quiet. 

I was saved from my own headspace when a group of mercenaries jumped at us as we rounded the corner. I practiced my barrier and threw fire and electricity left and right. It was becoming more natural every time I did it.

We finished them off pretty quickly and moved on to the alley where some dude threw fire at my face. I ducked just in time to not have my eyebrows singed off. That wouldn’t be good. 

He began some grande speech, which I only half-heartedly answered, until Sera showed up out of the blue.

“Just say what.” 

“What?” 

I didn’t remember to look away as she literally shot an arrow through his throat. It wasn’t particularly pretty to watch, and suddenly I wasn’t hungry anymore either, which was quite the feat.

“Ughh.”

Sera grunted before approaching us. My companions were all quiet, which was understandable. I remember the first time I encountered Sera, in the game. I’d considered her quite the rascal. 

“Blabla, obey me. Arrow in my face.” - “So, you followed the notes well enough. Glad to see you… Aaaand you’re an elf… Well, I hope you’re not too.. elfy. I mean, it’s all good, innit? The important thing is: You glow? You’re the Herald thingy?”

I could practically feel Solas’ disapproval in the air. At least I knew she would come to despite him just as much back, if not more.

I lifted my hand, showing her the green mark in my hand that was glowing softly. 

“That I am. And you are?”

I querched a brow at her. 

“Name’s Sera. This is cover-” She pointed to a bunch of big wooden boxes. “-Get round it, for the reinforcements. Don’t worry. Someone tipped me their equipment shed… They’ve got no breeches!”

“You stole their…?”

Cassandra gasped. I laughed. I could feel Solas’ scowl burning in the back of my head.

“The word you’re looking for is undergarments, seeker.”

Varric helpfully supplemented. 

The meeting with Vivienne wouldn’t be nearly as entertaining.

…

We probably should have stopped for the night, but I just wanted to get all this recruiting over with. And I frankly didn’t care if I showed up to Vivienne’s ball all bloody and gross. Maybe that would keep people from approaching me?

I quickly found out that blood was not a repellent to rich nobles. Rather disappointing that.

“Lady Lavellan, the Herald of Andraste.”

Some guy with a stick announced as we walked in. He then proceeded to announce my companions, but I wasn’t really listening. I just wanted this over with.

“Oh Lady Herald! Are you here to see Duke Bastien?”

Before I could even open my mouth to answer the man with the ugly mask, the lady beside him chipped in. 

“I have heard the most curious tales of you. I cannot imagine half of them are true!”

I sighed to myself, but gave the lady a smirk for the game’s sake. 

“It’s all true.” 

I said, and started looking for the idiot who would offend me and then be roasted by Vivienne. 

“Better and better. The inquisition should attend more of these parties!”

The lady chirped happily.

“The Inquisition. What a lot of pig shit. Everyone knows it’s just an excuse for a bunch of political outcasts to grab power.”

There he was, sauntering down the stairs as if he owned the place. 

I rolled my eyes at him, not even wanting to dignify him by answering.

(Un)lucky for me, he went on nonetheless. 

“In front of all these people! You don’t even deny being a pretentious usurper?!”

I didn’t know silence could admit to that much.

“We know what your ‘Inquisition’ truly is.”

He said, taking a couple of steps closer to me. I couldn’t see my companions, but I knew Vivienne was going to stop him. So I stood my ground, harboring a bored expression on my face.

“If you were a woman of honor. You’d step outside and answer the charges.”

He was so close now that I could smell the alcohol on his breath. Gross. He was just about to pull his dagger when his body froze all over. And then Vivienne came into view. She made quite the entrance. I almost began wondering whether this all was planned. Vivienne was a seasoned player of the game after all, and this ought to make me like her, having her ‘save’ me like this. Well, after having seen this play out about 9 times before made the act a little transparent. It just wasn’t that impressive anymore.

“My dear Marquis, how unkind of you to use such language in my house… to my guests.” - “You know such rudeness is intolerable.”

Her outfit though. That was pretty impressive to see in person. I remembered once reading that she was about 90 years old? That couldn’t be. Or, did mages really get that old? Or maybe it was just magic and she actually looked way older? 

“Madame Vivienne, I humbly beg your pardon!”

Well, if he was that scared of her, why would he insult me? Her guest? Either Vivienne had planned more than I had previously given her credit for, or the man in front of me was a complete and utter idiot. At this point both seemed reasonably plausible. Maybe it was a bit of both, based on the other guests it didn’t seem like I was an expected guest.

Another thing that surprised me was how tall Vivienne was. Or maybe it was just that I was short. In my old body I’d say I was on the mediocre to tall side, but as an elf, most people were taller than me. And even though I knew that, I still felt tall. Vivienne made me feel very short. Maybe it was just her personality.

“You should.”

Vivienne replied dryly. 

“My dear. Whatever am I going to do with you?”

She then turned to me and I had to look up to meet her eyes.

“My lady, you’re the wounded party in this unfortunate affair. What would you have me do with this foolish, foolish man?”

I sighed. The fact that I knew she would kill him if I asked it was scary. Especially if she’d orchestrated the whole thing in the first place. 

“Let him go.”

I couldn’t read her face to see if my answer disappointed her before she turned to the Marquis and released him from the frost.

“By the grace of Andraste, you have your life, my dear. Do be more careful with it.” -

“I’m delighted you could attend this little gathering. I’ve so wanted to meet you.”

Even though I didn‘t like her, I had to admit she had a nice outside, just not so much inside.

…

When we finally were back in Haven, I was so tired I almost fell off my horse. I was forever grateful to the boy who came to fetch Horsie and tend to her so I could go sleep for a couple of days. I’d almost made it all the way to my cabin when someone said my name. It appeared they’d been calling me for a good while until I realized. I turned around and was surprised to see Solas. 

“I assume this belongs to you.”

He said and handed me a shabby looking book. 

The shabby looking book that might hold the key to me being here. I blinked. I could have sworn that the book was safely placed in the big pocket of my coat. My hand went to pat that pocket, but no, the pocket was empty. 

Accepting the book, I looked back up at his face. It was friendly enough, but I could smell the suspicion coming from him. As if he’d eaten a conspiracy sandwich for supper.

“I must have dropped it. Thank you.”

I offered, even though I highly doubted that. My pocket had been all but sewn shut. 

“Any particular reason you’re interested in world travelling?” 

Solas asked, looking very much like he’d give his left leg to be able to read my mind for the answer. 

I blinked. 

I was way too tired for this shit. What kind of half truth would suffice to put him off my tracks? I faked a yawn to buy some time. But by the end of it I was none the wiser. 

And then it hit me. Genius!

“Oh, I was just curious about more fade stuff, and I was hoping this book could shed some light.” 

I said innocently enough. 

I could swear his pupils dilated. I wasn’t sure whether that was a good or a bad thing, but considering he freaking loved talking about his ‘travels in the fade’, I was willing to bet on it being a good thing. 

“I happen to know a great deal about the fade from my wanderings. I would be happy to share what I have learned.” 

Yup, as expected. Solas only wanted to hear himself talk. I’d play along, but not today.

“What about over breakfast tomorrow?” 

I asked. Did that count as a date? Shit. 

“I will see you then. Goodnight H... Kaya.”

“Sleep tight!” I waved at him as he left before entering my cabin. 

I didn’t have any energy left to be suspicious of what he may have learned from stealing my book from under my nose as I hit the bed. Clothes and everything. This had been a really long day. 

…

I met Solas in Flissa’s tavern the next morning. I was still a little groggy, but the food helped. 

“So about the fade…”

I began as I thoughtfully chewed on a piece of toast.

“What would you like to know?”

Solas asked. He must have gotten up at an ungodly hour to eat since he only had a glass of water, or maybe he was fasting? Could it be a fade thing?

“Why do you know so much about it?”

I took a break from my toast to ask. On a good day I could eat about 8 pieces of toast before I got nauseous, so I would say I had time for a long answer.

“I grew up in a village to the north. There was little to interest a young man, especially one gifted with magic. But as I slept, spirits of the Fade showed me glimpses of wonders I had never imagined. I treasured my dreams. Being awake, out of the Fade, became troublesome.”

Even when I knew this was a big pile of bs, I couldn’t help but wonder why he’d rather be in the fade than in the real world. 

Instead I asked: 

“Isn’t it dangerous in the Fade?”

“I learned how to defend myself from more aggressive spirits and how to interact safely with the rest. I learned how to control my dreams with full consciousness. There was so much more I wanted to explore.”

I knew asking him about the fade gave a higher approval rate, which made sense. It was just talking to him about something he liked. This world was technically just as strange to him as it was to me. We’d both awoken in a world unlike the one we were used to, and I knew Solas wasn’t exactly on what you could call friendly terms with the others. He’d probably not admit to it, but I think he was rather lonely. If you forgot about his whole mission for a second, it was kind of sad that Solas the apostate didn’t have anyone to talk to in a camp full of wildly different individuals, many of which were outcasts such as him, or the Solas he was pretending to be.

It was easy to fall back into the belief that he could be saved. But ultimately, it was always too good to be true. That didn’t mean I shouldn’t treat him as a normal person, until I figured out how to stop him of course. I didn’t think I’d be able to kill him, not just technically.

“Was?”

“Eventually I was unable to find new areas in the Fade.”

“Really? Why?”

You’d think that exploring something that vast would take a couple of thousand years. Why didn’t the real Lavellan question this?

“Two reasons. First, the fade reflects the world around it. Unless I travelled. I would never find anything new. Secondly. The Fade reflects and is limited by our imaginations. To find interesting areas, one must be interesting.”

I couldn’t help my smile.

“So you’re a boring person then? Is that why you joined the Inquisition?”

I teased.

“I joined the Inquisition because we were all in terrible danger. If our enemies destroyed the world. I would have nowhere to lay my head while dreaming of the Fade.”

He replied way too seriously. I would have felt bad if he wasn’t the sole reason the Inquisition was needed in the first place. I wish I could fling that in his face. Instead I took another thoughtful bite of my 2nd piece of toast.

It almost seemed he felt bad for his answer, because he followed up with. 

“In truth, I have enjoyed experiencing more of life to find more of the Fade.”

“That’s good to hear. Any particular experiences?”

Maybe he just needed actual friends. 

“You train your will to control magic and withstand possession. Your indomitable focus is an enjoyable side benefit.” - “You have chosen a path whose steps you do not dislike because it leads to a destination you enjoy. As have I.”

That was not the answer I was expecting. Was he flirting with me?”

He seemed as stoic as ever, but was that a slight tingle in his eyes? Did they shine a bit more today? Or maybe it was just the reflection of the candle between us?

I blinked, the 3rd toast was completely forgotten at this point.

“Indomitable focus?”

What did that even mean? Was there a dictionary in Haven? I would need to look it up.

His eyes flickered to my lips, making me wonder if there were crumbs there or something.

“Presumably. I have yet to see it dominated. I imagine that the sight would be fascinating.”

I forgot to breathe for a good couple of seconds, and my stomach had no business tingling the way it did. It’d been a while since I’d gotten any ‘action’, even on my own, but damn. I’d heard the line before and yet it had way too much an effect on me than it should have. Had he spiked my apple juice with Thedas’ version of amortentia or was I just a horny idiot? 

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

I replied before my brain was functioning properly again. 

Solas got up from his chair and for a second I thought he was going to…No, just the thought made my ears all read. I could feel them increase in temperature. I hope he didn’t see it. 

But he merely scooted his chair to the table and smiled at me. 

“I would.” 

He said and then excited the tavern. 

Only when the door shut behind him could I breathe properly again. I fanned my face like a corseted Victorian lady and looked around in bewilderment. There weren’t that many people in the tavern at the ass crack of dawn, and it seemed that none of them had held any interest in our conversation, not as far as I could tell anyway. Lucky that. 

Here I thought I was immune to the Egg, but my body sorely disagreed.

I stared annoyedly down at my toast.

“It’s not happening.”

I told it, not realizing that someone had sat down next to me until they whispered in my ear. 

“That toast do anything to offend you? I can arrange for it to be eaten.”

Sera whispered in all seriousness in my ear. 

“Jesus!” 

I exclaimed, almost startled out of my seat.

“Who’s that?” 

She asked with a grin on her face.

“What? No one. Just a Dalish curse word.” 

I could tell she was already bored by my mentioning of the Dalish, and then she did follow up on her suggestion without me even accepting it. She took my 3rd toast and finished it in one mouthful.

“Hey!” 

“So. This is it huh?” 

Sera began, ignoring my outburst, as she looked around the tavern. 

“It’s fine, yeah I just thought it'd be bigger.”

She giggled. 

I grabbed my 4th toast so she wouldn’t and started eating it pointedly.

“That would have been hilarious if you were a man, right?” - “Wasted.”

I furrowed my brows in confusion, then I got her joke and choked on my toast. Sera had to pat my back to save my life. By the time the piece of toast made it out of my throat, I wasn’t so hungry anymore. I chugged the rest of my apple juice and stared accusatory at her.

“Maybe not so wasted at all.”

She chuckled. I shook my head, but couldn’t help but smile at her. I was still breathing heavy and my lungs hurt, but at least I wasn’t horny over Solas anymore. 

“Your point?” 

I asked. 

“Stopping wars should earn more sovereigns than this. Need things back to normal for coins to be flowing again. Another reason the templars and mages need to be sat down.”

Right. 

“You know. The conclave kinda already tried? And here I am so… You know. Spectacular failure.”

I waved my green glowing hand at her.

“Why? Because someone yelled it real loud. They’re too busy to look up where the real questions are.”

“Right. They should all just come together, sing kumbaya, and then stitch the sky up proper. The easy one first.”

She looked astounded.

Just as I thought she’d give me more sass, she started laughing. 

“You’re daft!” She grinned at me. “Most people get special - they lose their snark. Can’t see how stupid it all is.” She explained. “I think I’ll like you, Lady Herald. Maybe you  _ are _ a little bit touched, yeah?”

She leaned forward, eyeing me like I was some kind of snack, and not someone who’d choked up a piece of toast 3 minutes ago like a bird feeding its children. Not my sexiest moment. 

Sera was hot though, and she had that smouldering expression on her face that made my knees go weak. But she was a way better person to get hot and bothered for than the alternative.

“I think I’ll like having you around, Sera. I hope you feel the same.” 

I replied with a smoldering expression on my own. I was very close to winking at her, but I felt that was taking it too far.

To my amusement, it did seem like I had an effect on her as well. I could see her ears redden. So that was an elf thing then, interesting.

“Suppose, maybe. See you Herald.”

“Please call my Kaya.” 

“I’ll think about it.” 

She said, and then proceeded to wink at me as she left the table!

My breath caught in my throat. 

What was it about elves flirting with me and then leaving in the sexiest ways?

I would need a cold bath before I entered the chantry now, lest they could hear my naughty thoughts.


	12. The Herald, The Seer and The Fangirl

“It’s good you’ve returned. We heard of your encounter.”

Josephine was waiting for me and Cassandra in the chantry.

“It’s a shame the templars abandoned their senses - as well as the capitol.”

Cullen said by way of greeting, as he joined us on the way to the war room.

“Well, we couldn’t not go.”

I stated.

“Yes, and now we have the opening we need to approach the templars and the mages-”

Josephine began before she was interrupted by Cassandra.

“Do we? Lord Seeker Lucius is not the man I remember.”

“True. He has taken the Order somewhere, but to do what? My reports have been… very odd.”

Leliana said. She seemed worried, and for good reason. The man was possessed.

“We must look into it. I’m certain not everyone in the Order will support the Lord Seeker.”

I hoped Cullen was right. 

“Or the Herald could simply go to meet the mages in Redcliffe, instead?”

Josephine suggested. 

Cullen stopped and turned to face her.

“You think the mage rebellion is more united? It could be ten times worse.”

Considering his experiences as a templar, I could understand where he was coming from. But that didn’t make him right. He was as biased as they could come.

“We shouldn’t discount Redcliffe. The mages may be worth the risk.”

Josephine argued. 

I was busy biting the inside of my cheek off, trying to figure out a way to phrase what I was going to say, to pitch in to the discussion. I hadn’t thought about it for more than a day or two, but I was positive it was the best way to go about this. This was a magic world. Solas learned things through the Fade. So I should be able to claim the same. I was already the Herald. They already called me the prophet of Andraste and claimed the maker spoke through me. 

“They are powerful, Ambassador, but more desperate than you realize.” - “If some among the rebel mages are responsible for what happened at the Conclave…”

Cassandra opened the door to the war room and we all entered. 

“The same could be said about the templars.”

Josephine sighed. 

“True enough. Right now, I’m not certain we have enough influence to approach the Order safely.”

Cullen admitted.

“The Inquisition needs agents in more places.” 

Cassandra concluded, but didn’t seem happy about it. Probably because to recruit more agents, we’d have to travel through Thedas to get them. It would take time. 

“In the meantime, we should consider other options.”

Leliiana said, taking note of something without looking up.

I cleared my voice. I’d been pretty quiet throughout the discussion, but there was no reason to wait. 

“So this may sound strange. But I had this dream, right. And after talking to Solas about the fade, I… I believe it’s not just a dream, but more like a vision.”

They all looked at me strangely. I hoped they weren’t thinking of wanting to exorcise me or something. But if that made them believe me, I guess I would have to let them. 

Luckily that wasn’t the first thing that was suggested. 

“About what?”

Cassandra asked. It seemed like she both did and didn’t want to know the answer. 

“About the Lord Seeker. I think he’s possessed… by an envy demon.” 

Cassandra and Josephine gasped. Cullen looked dumbstruck, and Leliana’s eyes hardened. 

“Also, I saw something about the mages in Redcliffe, but I don’t know if I should say it. I’m worried the outcome will be worse if you all know.”

“Something about Grand Enchanter Fiona?”

Cassandra asked. She must have remembered my not so sly warning. 

“Yes, and no. It’s complicated. I am still trying to figure it out.”

I sighed. This had not come out the way I’d wanted. 

“I think we should approach both, but I do suspect that the templar situation is more dire. We might be able to save some templars from his grip..”

I wasn’t sure we could save the Lord Seeker. But if there was any chance we could save some templars, I would be willing to take it. Cullen nodded. 

“If the Herald believes we should approach the templars, then I second that.”

He said. Leliana still looked apprehensive, but Josephine agreed. I looked at Cassandra.

“If the Lord Seeker is possessed, then we have to stop him and save the order.” - There is no time to lose.”

She said. 

It was true. In the game, I’d probably fuck around in the Hinterlands or something for a while and ignore the main mission, but that was hard to do now when I knew the templars were in danger. We could still go to Redcliffe after. Time would probably still be fucked up anyway. What was a week to being thrown years into the future and then back again? Maybe I could get time to think about how to avoid it at all?

“Then it’s settled. I will put my best agents on the case. We still have to locate them first.”

Leliana concluded. 

...

After the meeting, Leliana held me back. 

“A word?”

I looked after the others, but then turned to face Leliana. I still thought she was a little scary. 

“Of course.”

I said, crossing my arms in front of my chest merely to keep them occupied. 

“I had a friend who had visions once.”

My eyebrows shot up. This was new. I had played all the games, but there hadn’t been any kind of oracles in any of them. 

I hesitated to ask. The way she said it wasn’t promising.  _ Had _ .  _ Had _ a friend. But I had always been too curious not to ask.

“What happened to them?”

“He tried to change a vision he had seen, so he was killed in a way he had not foreseen.”

It sounded accusatory. Like Leliana had not forgiven her friend for dying. 

“I’m sorry.”

She wiped away a tear that had dared make an appearance in her eye.

“No one outside of this room can know that you’re a seer.”

Leliana said. 

“No one.”

She repeated when I opened my mouth.

“Okay.”

I wasn’t going to argue with her. It was for the best that people didn’t know. Sera would be terrified of me and Solas. I didn’t want to think about it. If he found out the things I knew about him.

“People will kill you for what you can foresee, or kidnap you to keep your visions to themselves.”

Leliana continued. 

I nodded.

“Okay.”

She sighed and put her hand on my shoulder. 

“You’re already the Herald, now you’re a seer. You’re vital to the Inquisition. But most of all I refuse losing another friend to this.”

Leliana said, surprising me with her gentleness. I didn’t know she considered me her friend. I hadn’t been here long and we hadn’t talked many times. But I would absolutely be her friend. 

I smiled at her. 

“I will be careful.”

Then I remembered the reason she pulled the Herald aside in the game. 

“So about these grey wardens.”

At first she seemed puzzled, almost startled. Then she smiled and shook her head. 

…

“The Inquisition cannot remain if you cannot prove it was founded on Justinia’s orders!”

I could hear someone yelling at poor Josephine from outside her door as I’d exited the war room.

I quickly decided to disrupt them.

“This is an inopportune time, Marquis. More of the faithful flock here each day…”

Josephine said to some dude in a mask as I entered her office without knocking.

She gave me a quick look before she returned to the Marquis with a smile. 

“But allow me to introduce you to the brave soul who risked her life to slow the magic at the breach.” - “Mistress Lavellan. This is the Marquis DuRellion. One of Divine Justinia’s greatest supporters.”

“And the rightful owner of Haven.” 

He added in what I would call a bitter tone. 

“House DuRellion lent Justinia these lands for a pilgrimage. This  _ Inquisition  _ is not a beneficiary of this arrangement!”

Oh boy. Maybe I should have just stayed in my lane on this one.

“So you wanna throw the refugees out on the street? What of the soldiers who help keep people safe from the rifts?”

I retorted. 

He scoffed, but Josephine spoke before he got the chance to. 

“We face a dark time, your grace. Justinia would not want her passing to divide us. She would in fact trust us, to forge new alliances to the benefit of all. No matter how strange they might seem.”

The Marquis had gone quiet. I couldn’t see his face behind the mask, but I was willing to bet it wasn’t as scrunched up as when I had barged in. Josephine was great at this stuff.

“I’ll think on it, Lady Montilyet. The Inquisition might stay in the meanwhile.”

He concluded and nodded at us before he left the room. 

I turned to Josephine. 

“What an ass.”

“Even so, he is the first of many dignitaries we must contend with. Each visitor will spread the story of the Inquisition after they depart. An ambassador should ensure the tale is as complimentary as possible.”

“The Inquisition is lucky to have you.”

“Thank you. Let us hope so. Thedas’ politics have become agitated, as of late. I hope to guide us down smoother paths.”

Josephine said with a sigh.

…

I’d barely gotten to close the Chantry doors behind me when I collided with something big. A brick wall? 

“Apologies, are you okay?”

The brick wall asked and helped me get back up on my feet. That voice seemed so familiar. I looked up and met a pair of beautiful green-brownish eyes that was situated in a heart-wrenchingly handsome face.

“Krem!” 

It slipped out of me before I could remember that we hadn’t technically met before, which would make me knowing his name seem weird.

“Uh... yes. That’s me. I’ve got a message for the Inquisition… How did you know my name?”

He asked, realized he was still holding on to my shoulders and quickly let go, even taking a step back. 

I assumed it was to be courteous, but I was disappointed at the loss of contact. I had always had a big fat crush on this man.

“Uhm…” 

I hesitated, feeling very put on the spot. I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone I was a so-called seer. But I was so shit at making things up like this.

“Well?”

Gods, he was hot. How was I supposed to concentrate?

“The Inquisition has eyes and ears everywhere.” 

I decided on. Which was super vague, but not technically a lie. It did sound more ominous than intended though.

“What’s the message?”

I asked before he could ask further questions. I didn’t wanna dig myself into a deeper hole.

“We got word of some Teviner mercenaries gathering out on the storm coast. My company commander, Iron Bull, offers the information free of charge. If you’d like to see what the Bull’s Chargers can do for the Inquisition, meet us there and watch us work. But I suppose you already know this. Eyes and ears huh?”

To my great displeasure, I managed to blush. My ears were probably flaming. It wasn’t that what he was saying was so sexy, it was how he said it. Plus the fact that I’d already been flirted with by both Solas and Sera earlier. My body was used to acting on that kind of flirting. But we weren’t in ‘Kansas’ anymore. 

“We welcome the help.” 

I managed to squeak out.

“We’re the best you’ll find. Come see us in action.”

My blush was still strong, but there was a slight smile on his lips.

“I didn’t catch your name?”

“Kaya.”

“Pleased to meet you Kaya. I trust you’ll pass the message on.”

I nodded, and then he turned and left. Leaving me to fangirl over him like a 14 year old at a Justin Bieber concert. 

…

I made my way down to the stables to give Horsie some sugar cubes and was telling her about my day when Cassandra walked onto the training grounds and proceeded to annihilate three straw figurines.

I decided to approach her, but stopped a good distance away in case she were to mistake me for a straw figure. That would be unfortunate. 

“Are you alright?”

I asked gently

“Is it that obvious?”

“I’m afraid so.”

Cassandra sighed.

“You've said you don't believe you're chosen. Does that mean... you also don't believe in the Maker?”

Was that what she was upset about? And not the whole Lord Seeker is possessed by a demon thing?

“Well. I’m dalish. We have our own gods.”

I said. I didn’t worship those gods, but I did know for a fact that they were real, so in some way I suppose I did believe in them.

“It is hard to not believe you are the chosen, the Herald of Andraste when you have been bestowed so many gifts. Even if you don’t believe in the Maker, I cannot think it is not without reason that you have been so blessed. I think you were sent to help us. So I am worried about the future of the order. If the Lord Seeker is truly…”

It seemed like she couldn’t bring herself to say the word. 

“Possessed?”

I supplied.

“Yes. If he is… that. Then…”

Cassandra looked towards the many soldiers of the Inquisition training. 

The templars had a lot of soldiers. Seasoned soldiers. She was probably worried about having to fight them. Fight her own people. The Inquisition on the other hand was new. Many of our soldiers were refugees and farmers. Regular people. And while they were dedicated to the cause, they didn’t have the experience. We would be slaughtered in a confrontation now. We needed allies.

“We will get to him before that happens.”

I said, patting her on the shoulder, feeling way more confident than I ought to be.

“I hope you are right.”

Cassandra said, offering me what might have been a teeny tiny smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is anyone still reading this?


	13. What to we say to the god of Death? Not tonight. well technically its 'not today' but its night when it happens.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We recruit Iron Bull, and somehow get closer to Solas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger mentions of suicide are marked before and after it happens in case you want to skip it!
> 
> Also, if you dont know, you should totally google the history of ocularum :////

Leliana had put her best agents to find the Lord Seeker, but had so far been unsuccessful. It looked like it would take at least a week, which meant we had time to go get Iron Bull in the meantime. Something I was looking very much forward to because it meant I got to see Krem again. 

Cassandra had to stay behind for some reason. I think it had to do with training the Inquisition soldiers. Prepare them for when we went to confront the templars. Which left me to travel with Varric, Solas and Sera. An interesting group. 

…

We arrived at the camp just in time for supper, once again, Scout Lace Harding found me when I had a mouthful of food. Luckily it wasn’t oatmeal this time, but a stew of some sort. We’d been riding all day so I wasn’t picky. It hadn’t been raining on the road, but just after a couple of minutes in the camp I was soaked through all the way to my underclothes.

“Your worship. For what it’s worth. Welcome to the Storm Coast. I would have sent word sooner. But our effort has been… delayed.”

I raised my brows, but before I could ask her to call me by my name, she continued. 

“There’s a group of bandits operating in the area. Some of our soldiers went to speak with their leader. Haven’t heard back, though.”

“Shit, I’ll find them.”

“Thank you, your worship. That’s a relief. The soldiers didn’t have an exact location for the bandits, but they started their search further down the beach. Well… Good luck. Enjoy the sea air. I’ve heard it’s good for the soul.” 

Varric chuckled as if she told a funny joke, but I think she was actually being serious. Sera was too busy inhaling her food to take notice and Solas was reading a book. 

“Sure. Thank you. And it’s Kaya, I’m no one to worship. Just a girl who was thrown into this all.”

A smile appeared on her weathered face. 

“Lace.”

She said curtly before she left. Where she was going or what she had planned I had no idea. Lace Harding got shit done. She scouted most new areas and got ready camps for me and my companions. That entailed a lot of work; Planning, locating, fighting, structuring and preparing food for when my hungry ass came about. What a woman!

We went to get an overview of the beach when I spotted it. The Ocularum.

“What’s with the skull?” 

Varric asked. 

A shiver ran down my spine, remembering exactly what was with the skull. It was dreadful.

“Hmm. Interesting.”

Solas commented. 

Sera kept her distance and made a little squeak as I looked through it. 

“It highlights some kind of object. There’s three of them.”

I said with a sigh. 

“I don't want to touch anything a skull lit up. Skulls don't say "here's a good thing"!”

Sera stated, her arms crossed. I couldn’t blame her for that. The skull wasn’t a good thing, and I didn’t think what it gave was worth the cost. That didn’t mean that I wouldn’t try to collect all these shards. I knew they would make me more powerful. And boy if I didn’t need that. Not only against Corypheus, but if I ever were to stand against Solas. He was an actual god. And I was just some girl who’d woken up in Thedas, seemingly for no reason at all. I had brought my strange book, but had not yet had time to read. Hopefully I’d be able to soon. I would give at least a couple of toes to be given some answers.

“I am not familiar with such magic.” 

Solas snatched me out of my own thoughts. He was suddenly standing very close. So close I could smell him. Now, you’d think that Solas would smell a little like a sweaty tree. But no. Somehow, this man smelled like a fresh bath. I had no idea how he did it. Actually, nevermind. It was probably just magic. I had to learn how to do that. I’m sure I smelled like a horse’s butt. No offense to my noble steed Horsie. She was wonderful. 

“Can I take a look?”

He asked, gazing way too deeply into my eyes as I looked up at him. 

“Sure.”

My voice came out way more squeaky than I wanted. 

“Who’s that fighting down there?”

Sera asked, standing way too close to the cliff than seemed reasonable. 

“Oh, that’s probably the Chargers. We’re supposed to meet Iron Bull. The Iron Bull. That’s the uh… leader.”

I said, trying to sound like I didn’t know most there was to know about the Chargers and their leader. This was going great. Maybe I should actually just tell them that I had psychic dreams. Even if Solas would get hella suspicious. Trying to seem uninformed when I was, was getting increasingly more difficult. I’d have to think on it. At least for a solid day.

“Then what are we standing up here for with this creepy skull! Lets go get them!”

For a moment, I thought she’d legit jump - maybe even she did - but then she turned around and started a half jog. I followed her, relieved to put some distance with the sad fate of the skull and myself. 

…

I could feel the vibrations in the ground of Iron Bull’s huge hammer weapon long before we could join the fight. Either physics were not the same in Thedas, or… Iron Bull was preposterously strong, like Hulk strong. And he was a double agent, or triple? He was not good, but good, but actually not good if you fucked the Chargers over on his personal quest. I certainly wouldn’t let the Chargers die. I had a fucking heart. 

We ran into the battle. I let my lightning shower over the bandits, but the fight didn’t last very long. Sera pointedly stuffed her new knives back in their sheath, looking disappointed. 

“There’ll be more fighting, I can promise you that.”

I told her. 

“Wonderful.”

I could tell that she meant it. I shook my head. I didn’t have to look at Solas to know what his opinion would be. But before he could voice them, Iron Bull approached. I once googled how tall he was. Google claimed he was 7 feet tall, or 213 centimeters, which is ridiculously tall. And seeing him in real life made me think Google was a dirty liar. Iron Bull had to be taller. Way taller. How could an elf ever romance him? (Not that I was planning to) It just couldn’t be technically possible!

“Chargers! Stand down! Krem, how’d we do?”

He called out, making me turn to look at Krem and blush all over again. God damn it Kaya. You were doing so good, didn’t even fall on your ass this entire fight, and then you take one look at Krem and blush like a tomato. Good job. I could tell Sera noticed by her shit-eating grin. It meant I’d hear about this later. Great. 

Krem met my eyes with a curt nod before he answered his captain. 

“Five or six wounded chief, no dead. ”

I turned back to Iron Bull and hoped he didn’t notice my red face and ears. There were more important things. Those wounded for example.

“That’s what I like to hear. Let the throatcutters finish up, then break out the casks.”

I couldn’t see whether Krem nodded, but he didn’t say anything so he probably did. 

“So, you’re with the Inquisition, huh? Glad you could make it. Come on, have a seat. Drinks are coming.”

“Kaya, you’re Iron Bull, and drinks sound amazing.”

He chuckled deeply and led me to sit by some rocks. 

“I assume you remember Cremisius Aclassi, my lieutenant.” 

He nodded to someone standing behind me before I managed to blush again. 

Krem came to stand in front of us. He didn’t wink at me, but it seemed very close. Or maybe I was just delusional. That could be. Why would Krem wink at me? I desperately needed to cool down. Literally speaking.

“Good to see you again.” 

He said in that deep melodious voice of his before he turned to Iron Bull.

“Throatcutters are done, chief.”

“Already? Have them check again. I don’t want any of them Tevinter bastards getting away. No offence Krem.”

I looked between them as I tried to scourge my brain to remember what the hell they meant by throatcutters. It certainly didn’t sound good.

“None taken. At least a bastard knows who his mother was. Puts him one up on you Qunari, right?”

I snorted and got looks from both men before Iron Bull burst out laughing. The slapping on a thigh kind of laugh, but I doubted he was actually offended. 

Krem nodded at me one last time and then went back to the Chargers. 

“So…” He started, wiping a tear from his one eye. “You’ve seen us fight. We’re expensive, but we’re worth it… And I’m sure the Inquisition can afford us.”

“Sure can…” - “The Inquisition would benefit greatly from having the Chargers.”

I was trying to sound diplomatic. But it probably mattered little to him what words I used. 

“You would, but you’re not just getting the boys, you’re getting me. You need a frontline bodyguard. I’m your man-”

He was taller than me even when he was sitting, but when he got up he absolutely towered over me. It was effectful to his speech, but I was going to hire them anyway. 

“-Whatever it is. Demons, dragons. The bigger, the better. And there’s one other thing. Might be useful, might piss you off.”

“Yeah?”

Double Agent Iron Bull. 

“Ever heard of the Ben-Hassrath?”

He was kinda serious, so kept my face neutral, but didn’t outright lie as I somehow suspected he would know.

“A little. Some kind of agents?”

His face didn’t reveal much. 

“Closer to spies, but yeah. The Ben-Hassrath are concerned about the Breach. Magic out of control like that could cause trouble everywhere. But I also  _ get  _ reports from Ben-Hassrath agents all over Orlais. You sign me on, I’ll share them with your people.”

I nodded slowly, and made a show out of making it look like I was thinking about it for a couple of seconds before decisively nodding and reaching out my hand to shake his.

“That sounds good to me.”

“Excellent.”

He said, and was surprisingly gentle when he shook my hand. If I were to guess, I’d say I would be able to fit about 6 hands of my size in one of his. 

“Krem! Tell the men to finish drinking on the road. The Chargers just got hired!”

“What about the casks chief? We just opened them up! With axes!

“It’d be horrible if they went to waste.”

I chipped in innocently. Iron Bull took one look at me and chuckled. 

“You’re the boss.”

…

“One drink! I only wanted one drink!”

Sera exclaimed as she threw one of her knives into the face of a new bandit. 

“We have to find those soldiers! They could be in danger!”

I whirled my staff into the stomach of another one before Varric shot an arrow through his heart. 

Solas took out the last of them with an ice spell that shattered the men into many tiny pieces. It was really gross, but effective. I looked through their stuff, but there was nothing about the Inquisition soldiers, we’d have to continue our search.

“Our people used to be here.”

Solas said suddenly, sounding melancholy as hell, to which Sera maturely responded:

“Pfft. You say that everywhere.”

“Is it more true than you want to believe?”

He asked her. I decided to stay out of this one. 

“I bet, right? Who wants to think about stepping on dead elves.”

She shook her head, as if she could shake this conversation off entirely.

Me and Varric shared a look. We’d both learned not to disagree lest we were really craving a lecture.

“Din elvhen emma him?”

Solas said. Which I had no idea what meant. I should probably read up on the elven language too. I was supposed to know it, right?

I’m not sure what Sera said next really meant, but it sounded something like :

“Pppbbthh.”

Which I took meant, conversation over. 

…

I found one shard by the beach before we climbed up to the Rendezvous point where we’d last heard from the soldiers. We fought off the bandits residing there and then went to search for clues in the houses. Instead of clues, we found the missing soldiers. 

“Murdered.”

Solas said. Which I could see just fine with my own two eyes, thankyouverymuch. I felt the adrenaline from the fights leave me like air leaves a balloon. 

I had to sit down. I really thought we’d be able to save them. 

“We were too late, kiddo. There’s nothing we could have done.”

Varric said, patting me on the shoulder. Which didn’t help at all, because there was something we could have done. If I had remembered where the soldiers were and that they’d be dead by the time we got there I could have skipped that stupid stew, postponed meeting Iron Bull, and raced straight here. Maybe they would at least have had a chance. 

Tears rolled down my cheeks before I had realized I was crying. Solas gave me a handkerchief I didn’t know he had and I gave him a quiet thanks before I used it to wipe my tears. 

Sera’s smile was long gone. She was wandering around the battlement, but stopped and picked up what looked like a map. 

“It looks like the rest of the bandits are camped further down the beach.” 

She said, vengeance in her eyes. 

“They will still be there tomorrow-”

Solas said, his eyes on me. 

“No. They don’t get to be there tomorrow. After what they did. They die tonight.”

I didn’t much sound like myself, but I didn’t care. 

The Inquisition soldiers had been sent to talk, peacefully. If the bandits disagreed, they could have had the courtesy to send them back, not butcher them like dogs. 

We arranged the dead soldiers so that the Inquisition could come get them. They were going to be buried with their families present. I didn’t care how much it would cost. The Inquisition would pay. 

*** TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE***

The other shard was on the top of the house by the cliff. I almost didn’t go to fetch it, but I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t. They would come in handy. 

The shard had quite the view. It was very far to the ground below. I’d always had these illusive urges to jump when I was standing at a great height, but there was more than that now. So many more people would die, and I wouldn’t be able to save them all. What good was I if I couldn’t save people? I was more than just a seer. I knew this game so well. I knew most events by heart. 

But it was such an elaborate world, and I didn’t have the best memory - You would have to have photographic memory, something I suspected didn’t exist - There were so many random quests that had never bothered me before, such as this one, but seeing it… Maybe they were right about video games. Maybe it did desensitize us. 

How was I supposed to keep doing this? Keep messing up, causing other people to die? To be murdered because of my flimsy memory?

The Inquisition would be better off without me. They could find someone else to better unite the people. Someone who was smarter than me, someone more suited to making wise decisions. I had no idea what I was doing. Maybe the real Lavellan would come back if I died?

I didn’t realize that I was leaning forwards, until someone grabbed my arms and pulled me back, towards themself. 

I knew who it was from the smell of him before he spoke. I didn’t realize Solas had followed me up on this roof, but I was somewhat relieved that he did. 

“Careful da’len.” 

He said softly. I took a shivering breath and only broke from his grasp to turn around and put my arms around him. I had been so close. One step away from certain death. And I had almost taken that step. Solas didn’t hesitate with reciprocating the hug. He rested his cheek atop my head and stroked my back gently.

“I understand how you feel. But this is not the answer.”

He said. Tears were streaming down my face, I couldn’t stop them.

"Thedas isn't ready to loose you just yet"

Solas kept stroking my back, comforting me until I was the one who stepped away. His eyes were sad. So sad I felt bad for even thinking about taking that step. 

He was right. This wasn’t the answer. The Inquisition might be better off with a better Inquisitor, when the time came, but I was still the only one who could close the rifts. And maybe with the help of Leliana, I could use my knowledge to our advantage in a smarter way. A way that was deliberated for more than one day.

Solas lifted his hands and wiped away the tears under my eyes. It felt intimate in a way that I couldn’t say I disliked. He was being so kind.

“Thank you.” 

He shook his head as if it was nothing. As if he didn’t just save my dumb for the 100th time, this time from myself no less. 

*****TRIGGER WARNING ENDED*******

We walked back down, to a Sera and Varric who were talking about one of his books. They didn’t seem like they’d realized something was amiss and I wasn’t about to tell them. I doubted Solas would.

“I bet the Inquisition can find out what those shards are for.”

Was all Varric said.

“Probably.”

Sera had staked a course to the bandits on the map and we made off. It was getting dark, but my blood lust was still strong. 

The Inquisition soldiers had tried reason, and they’d been butchered. Vengeance wasn’t the only reason I was so keen on getting this done tonight. The bandits posed a real threat to refugees, and I would not have more lives on my conscience from these bastards.

The bandits camp wasn’t far away. didn’t take more than an hour really. But when we got there the dark had set in. Something we could use to our advantage. I knew they’d outman us, and that we’d been travelling and fighting all day. But we had the element of surprise, the cover of the night, and I was gonna sedate their dogs. 

“You’re what?!”

Varric asked, making it sound like a crazy idea. But Sera laughed and gave it a thumbs down, so it can’t have been that bad?

“Shhh!”

We weren’t that far away. Someone could hear us. Didn’t he realize that?

“I’ll go with you.”

Solas said. I opened my mouth to argue, but closed it. Having him join me wouldn’t hurt. I’d only practiced this spell on my crow that sometimes showed up in the middle of the night to caw in my ear, and these dogs were bigger. I suppose that was the whole point with Mabari.

“If we’re not back within a couple of minutes, it’s probably gone to shit, which case it’d be nice if you showed up.” 

I said to Varric and Sera before Solas followed me to where I knew the dog’s enclosure was. 

Luckily he didn't ask how I knew. I wasn't really ready to prepare that lie. Maybe I could… smell them?

There were two of them, both went down quickly enough, and we made it back to Varric and Sera before they stormed the place. 

“Thank fuck.”

Sera said, to which I snickered. 

“Thank me.”

We all choked when Solas made this comment. He wasn’t one to crack jokes.

Our eyes met and he flashed a non-characteristic grin at me. It was kinda cute. 

The two guys outside the camp went down easily enough. Varric shot them with arrows and then Sera finished them off with her knives. 

I kicked the doors open. 

There were about 8-10 more bandits inside. 

I pointed my staff to them. 

“You are all gonna die.”

I told them, quite dramatically. To my right, I could see Sera, flicking them off. 

It was a hard and long battle. Most of all because we were all so tired. But at least, I didn’t have to kill any animals. 

I was working my way to what I thought was the last guy, when out of nowhere, a giant dude with an axe swung it at me. Someone shouted, and then it all went black. 

…

Next time I woke up I was still in the Storm Coast. I could tell by the rain.

“She’s awake.” 

Someone called out, and then I heard footsteps approaching me. 

Someone was holding my hand. I tried to open my eyes to see who it was, but it really hurt. It took a solid minute. 

It was Solas. I should have known by the smell. He always smelled like a fresh bath. 

“How are you feeling?”

He asked. He looked quite worried. 

“Since you're asking, I am as a matter of fact both tired and hungry”

I croaked. My mouth was also dry. There was a snicker to my left which I guessed belonged to Sera. 

“We almost thought we lost you there, kiddo.”

Varric said. He sounded like he wasn’t sure whether I would survive.

But Solas gave a grim smile and put a cool cloth on my forehead, which felt really nice.

I had no idea where he’d gotten it from. As far as I could tell we weren’t back at camp. 

“Stay with me, Kaya. Don’t close your eyes.” 

Even though Solas’ voice was steady as ever, his hand was squeezing mine quite hard. 

I opened my eyes again and looked up at him, and then past him to the sky and the two moons reigning there. 

“Are there two moons?”

I asked, and blinked. Maybe there was something wrong with my eyes. Was I seeing double? I looked back down at Solas, but there was only one of him. 

“We’ve always had two moons? How hard did you hit your head?”

“Uh…”

“Drink this.”

He held my head at an angle while he poured some weird looking potion down my throat. He could thank my non-existing gag reflex for not throwing it all up back in his face. That’s how disgusting it was. But he didn’t thank me, just laid my head back down and made the cloth on my forehead cold again. 

“Am I gonna die?”

I asked. If so. He could have refrained from that potion. If I was gonna die I’d rather do it with the taste of something good in my mouth. Wine, or chocolate or beer. I’d even settle for juice. 

“Not tonight.”


	14. Scooby and Snoopy: great names for pets

The next time I woke up, I was in a bed. A bed that wasn’t mine. I wasn’t in Haven. The bed wasn’t the only strange thing I woke up to. By my feet lay two enormous dogs. They looked like pitbulls on steroids. It took me a long moment to make sense of my surroundings. I tried to sit up, but there was a horrid pain in my head that refrained me from doing just that and then I remembered. 

I had been hit in the head with an axe. Somehow it hadn’t sliced my skull open, but hit me with the flat side. It smelled like foul play, but I was in no position to complain about it since it had undoubtedly saved my life. 

It looked like we were still in the bandits camp and had decided to stay here for the night. The two dogs on steroids sleeping by my feet had to be the mabaris I’d  _ helped  _ take a nap so I didn’t have to fight them. 

Should I be scared?

No.

If they wanted to eat me, they would have done it when I was sleeping. 

The door opened just then and Varric strolled through. 

“Oh you’re awake! That’s good. I was beginning to think we’d have to arrange for a carriage. That would take forever.”

He said, handing me a potion while making sure to keep a healthy distance between the dogs resting by my feet, now awake. They stared pointedly at him, but didn’t growl.

“Solas said to pour this down your throat, bottoms up Lucky!”

I made a face, it hadn’t tasted very good last time I drank it and I was pretty out of it then. But if it would make my head feel better…

I forced it down in one go and gagged, but managed to keep it in. 

The expression on Varric’s face matched exactly how it tasted.

“These two haven’t left your side for three days. Mabaris are fiercely loyal. I had a friend who had one once.”

“Hawke!”

I said, suspiciously fast.

He looked at me strangely, but then shrugged. Maybe he thought he’d written it in a book or something. And there was plenty of gossip about the Hero of Ferelden.

“Yeah. He named him Dog.”

Varric walked over to a desk in the room and looked through the books there. 

“Would you look at that, they have my book. The bandits have good taste. Had”

I sat up, my head still pounded, but it wasn’t as bad as earlier.

“Hawke’s a he?”

I asked. 

Varric turned towards me with his book in his hands. 

“Yeah?”

There was a question written on his face, but he waited for me to elaborate.

I shook my head, and regretted it immediately.

“Why?”

He asked. 

I opened my mouth to explain just as the door opened again and Sera sprang in. 

“You’re not dead!”

She exclaimed and proceeded to throw herself at me, which wasn’t how someone who’d almost died and then been in a coma for three days ought to be treated, but I appreciated her enthusiasm. 

“Good to see you too.”

I laughed.

The dogs growled at her, but I hugged her anyway. When I did that though, she quickly left the bed and my embrace. Obviously not a hugger, that one. I tried not to take it personal.

…

It took another day before I was allowed to leave the bed. Solas’ orders. The ax had left a quaint scar on my temple, but other than that I would completely recover. 

“When are you gonna name them?”

Sera asked.

We were watching them play in the mud. They didn’t seem to carry grudges about me murdering their owners, which I thought was very nice of them. They were good dogs. They liked to sleep by my feet and would cry if I didn’t scratch that special point behind their ears at least 5 times a day. Some tough guys or girls. I wasn’t sure. Maybe that’s why they’d been left behind?

Then other bandits we’d met had had mabaris with them too. Mabaris that had seemed more vicious. 

Varric said they looked young, but he hadn’t been sure. I didn’t mind them being young and sweet. I loved dogs. I missed mine greatly. I’d had an angel of a springer spaniel for four years. She was like my child. If Lavellan and I had changed bodies, I hoped she was taking good care of her. I wondered if my dog would notice it wasn’t really me? I hoped not. That would probably scare her. 

“Hello?? Is anybody home? Anyone at all?”

She gently knocked on my head. 

I snapped back to reality and pushed her away with a smile. 

“Sorry, I was thinking about a pet I had once.”

“Oh.”

A weird expression danced over Sera’s features. I didn’t know what to make of it, but it didn’t seem like something she wanted to talk about. 

“I don’t know what to call them. They probably already have names. It feels unfair to just rename them.”

She looked at me stupidly. 

“They’re just mabaris. Not gon care what you call em.”

…

“Scooby Doo and Snoopy!”

I exclaimed.

My companions stopped and turned towards me, worry in their eyes.

“You’re sure she’s recovered?”

Varric asked Solas. 

Sera lifted a hand and waved it in front of my face, which was silly considering we’d been walking for the last hour. If I couldn’t see, I’d trip 50 more times than I already had.

Solas seemed concerned for a second, but then said, not too confidently:

“She should be fine.”

I sighed. 

“Names for the mabaris!” - “That’s what I’m gonna call them.”

The dogs had stopped when I had and was waiting patiently for further instruction.

A pained expression flashed over Varric’s face. 

“Wasn’t it bad enough that you killed their owners? Now you’re gonna name them…  _ that _ ?”

I snorted. 

“Come on. It’s not that bad. I think they’re cute names.”

None of them agreed with me. Even Sera seemed offended by my choice. But they were my mabaris! They didn’t listen to anyone else. So it mattered little what the others called them.

…

We could hear the battle happening before we saw it. On the beach, between us and the camp was an actual dragon fighting a giant. 

“Damn.”

I said in awe.

Sera laughed hysterically. 

“Wow! We can watch, yeah?”

“Let’s try not to get eaten.”

Varric said, with a smile, a strained one.

Solas seemed fascinated as well.

“We will have to walk the long way then.”

He said. It didn’t look like that idea bothered him, but he wasn’t exactly one to complain. 

“Or…”

I started. 

“We could sneak past them?”

The detour included climbing a mountain and I had a headache. Not to mention that I wanted to get back to Haven to see if Leliana’s agents had been able to locate the Lord Seeker yet. It’d been almost a week since we’d left Haven. 

“Yeah!” 

Sera exclaimed excitedly. 

Solas didn’t look like he thought it was the best idea in the world, but Varric spoke before he was able to shoot it down.

“Alright. It's time for you to get your first lesson in the ways of stealth.”

He said. Just a smidge too dramatically.

“Nice.”

I said, then thought better of it and covered my nose and mouth with my scarf. 

“Nice.”

I whispered, corrected myself. I could be stealthy, like a ninja!

Sera nodded supportingly, Varric’s smile stiffened a tad like he was maybe starting to regret his decision. Solas pinched his nose bridge in utter disbelief.

“The secret of stealth is that you don't have to be invisible. You just have to be invisible to your enemy's senses.”

Varric went on. 

My face scrunched quizzingly as I tried to come up with names of senses in my head. 

Sera giggled.

“Seeing, hearing and smell.”

She explained. 

“Wait, why are those the only three senses we need to worry about?”

I asked. I was almost certain there were more senses than those.

Varric looked at me in a way I could only describe as deadpan.

“Sense of touch, we are in trouble. Sense of taste: nice knowing you.”

Oh.  _ Oh. _

“Uh, yeah. Got it.”

We snuck pretty close to the fight without being noticed, but then the dragon just took off. And suddenly it was raining rocks and a giant came towards us. 

“Shit.”

Varic and I seemed to mutter at the same time. The mabaris ran to bite its toes and Sera followed with her knives. Solas and I both threw barriers over them. I would not have my new faithful pets be harmed! I ignored my headache and casted off lightning after lightning towards its head. Solas kept freezing it feet to make it fall over and Varric was shooting off arrow after arrow. In the end it didn’t end up taking all that long to defeat it. But my heart was hammering the whole time. I’d been so scared for the mabaris! I insisted Solas check them before I even drank a potion myself. They were fine. Solas and I had made sure they were covered in barriers at all times after all. 

“You do know they’re fighting dogs? They don’t need a nanny, Lucky”

Varric said and snorted, watching over me fuss over my Mabaris. I just stared at him. Clearly he had never owned a pet.

Gods, having pets in Thedas was so stressful. How the hell did Hawke do it?

…

  
  


There was no news about the location of the Lord Seeker waiting for us back at camp, so we decided to head back to Haven, on horseback finally. We hadn’t brought them to look for those missing soldiers because we didn’t want them to get hurt. 

Horsie was skeptical towards Scooby and Snoopy at first, but accepted them before we got to Haven. 

I went straight to Leliana’s tent after giving Horsie to one of the stable boys, with Scooby and Snoopy in tow. I’d come back and give her some sugar cubes later. 

I barged into her tent, but there was no one there. Maybe she was in a secret meeting or something? 

“I heard you got injured.”

Leliana said, coming from behind me, startling me more than a little. Why did everyone keep sneaking up on me? I turned around to face her. She was standing in the opening of the tent. I had not heard her, neither had Scooby and Snoopy. Some fighting dogs. 

“I’m fine now. And look who I adopted!”

Her gaze dropped to Scooby and Snoopy. I wasn’t all that much taller than them. They reached my elbows when they were standing up like now. A slow smile worked its way across her face and into her eyes.

“They’re very handsome.”

I grinned at her and scratched both of the dogs behind their ears in that spot they liked.

“Indeed they are. Any news about the Lord Seeker?”

Her face fell a little as she closed the tent opening behind her and entered the tent. She walked over to one of her desks and looked through her papers there. 

“They still haven’t found him, but they are working on some valuable leads.” 

Leliana sighed and put her hands to her temples, massaging them lightly. She seemed tired. 

“That’s too bad. Are you alright?”

It took a couple of moments before she stopped and looked back at me.

I shook my head.

“Nevermind, that’s a stupid question. Of course you’re not. We’re in the middle of…” - “Whatever the hell you call this kind of situation.”

I had been about to say pandemic, but this was way worse. I think I’d prefer a pandemic to this.

“I’ve had to recruit some new agents. Training them has been…”

“Oh shit! One of them is a traitor!”

The memory of that cutscene sprang to mine. What had been his name?

Leliana’s eyes widened as if she knew who I meant.

“You had a new vision?”

“Something like that. He’s gonna kill one of your most favored agents. I can’t remember their name. What was it? Something with a barrier. Carrier?”

“Farrier?”

Leliana’s voice was ice cold. But that wasn’t what scared me the most. Her eyes were completely devoid of any humanity. She was already plotting the traitor’s demise it seemed. And I remembered that this was the first stepping stone to whether Leliana would end up soft or hard. 

I snapped my fingers. 

“Butler, that’s the name of the traitor.”

Her eyes didn’t change, as if she’d already figured that out. 

She moved to walk out of the tent, but I got in her way. 

“You can’t kill him, Leliana.” 

“He’s a traitor. 

“You can’t kill someone who hasn’t done the deed yet.”

I argued. 

“So you want to wait until Farrier is murdered?”

Even though she was angry, she didn’t raise her voice. Not that it helped make me less scared of her. I’d always preferred a good yelling over calm anger. Calm anger was unpredictable. I didn’t trust it. 

“Of course not.” I sighed. “I’m not saying to leave him be, but don’t kill him. Send him away to help refugees or something where he isn’t trusted with valuable information. But don’t take his life.”

I felt a little guilty pressuring her like this considering the killing spree I’d just gone on, but this was an actual plot in the game and I knew how to play the game. Well enough that I knew I didn’t want a hard Leliana. I was already dreading meeting the version of her I’d see in that impossible future at Redcliffe. I was still trying to think of a way to avoid that. So far I’d come up with absolutely nothing. 

“You feel very strongly about this.” 

I held her gaze, but said nothing. I wouldn’t give in on this one.

“Very well. I will think of another way to deal with this man.”

She said then, after what seemed like minutes of our little silent staring competition. It felt like I hadn’t blinked at all when she finally agreed.

“Now, if you’re happy. I have more work to do.”

She raised her brows. I was still in her way. 

“Right. Sorry. I’ll just…”

I turned and left, dogs in tow. 

Of course I couldn’t get any more slack this day. I started walking towards the tavern so I could pick up sugar cubes to feed Horse, before I could even start fantasizing about snacks someone walked up and stopped right in front of me. I would have literally preferred talking to Varric’s big toe than Chancellor Roderick at this moment. 

“How dare you?!”

He was enraged. I had no idea what for, and I honestly wasn’t very interested to find out either.

My sigh was so deep, I’m sure it could be heard all over Haven, like my magic somehow amplified it. 

“I don’t know what I did this time, but if you find me so offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.”

I said, and then simply stepped around him, continuing down to the Tavern. There was no doubt in my mind that my body required a beer asap before it did anything else today. 


	15. Getting it on in the stables

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WE FINALLY GETTING TO THE STEAMY PARTS

“Can I get an alcohol?” 

Flissa made a face, but then merely shook her head and poured me a pint. Beer in Thedas wasn’t bad, but it was different than what I was used to. It was way stronger for one. And the color was strange, more green ish. 

“I heard you almost died.”

She said, quietly, as if it was a secret even though it was clear that apparently everyone in camp had found out. Flissa probably knew many secrets due to her running this bar. 

“Got a cool battlescar though.”

I smiled and posed as if for a photo to show off. I couldn’t recall the number of times I had almost died anymore. All I knew was that it had to be high, judging by my insane lack of experience. Still, I wasn’t distressed as I ought to be. 

Besides, I was their Herald. I was supposed to keep their spirits up. That wouldn’t do with me running around completely freaked. No, I had to stay optimistic, had to be their beacon of hope in these fucked up rift-times, not to mention what might come after. I got chills just thinking about it. I didn’t want to be thinking about it, so I had another healthy swig of the beer.

Flissa gave me a smile and looked like she wanted to say something more, but then some other people needed to be serviced and her attention turned elsewhere. I took a big sip of my beer and stayed exactly where I was instead of sitting down. I hadn’t seen any familiar faces in here and I was a girl on a mission. That mission being feeding my Horse sugar cubes. 

I was almost halfway through my beer when someone cleared their voice behind me. Someone who smelled really good. 

“Hello Solas.”

I said before I turned to face him. 

“Good evening.”

He inclined his head every so slightly. If he was surprised at me knowing who he was before he’d said a word, he didn’t show it. 

“Do you come here often?”

I asked, somewhat dryly. 

A smile touched the corners of his lips. 

“You have a little something…”

He lifted his hand and wiped some foam from my beer off my lower lip with his thumb. An act that shouldn’t be making my heart rate rise. God. It was like taken out of every stupid rom com.. One simple gesture than anyone could have done and that’s it. The girls in these movies were always perfect. They had good jobs, ambitions and looked nice. And the guys they fell for were always such losers. Not that loser was a word I’d use to describe Solas. He was intelligent, and had ambitions, but they were horrible ambitions. Ambitions that would take so many lives it was seriously hard to comprehend how he managed to live with himself. Maybe that made him a loser.

So my heart simply had to fuck off. I would not be listening. When it came to guys and gals and nb-pals it was best to listen more to your brain than your heart. Of course that was a lot easier thought than done. 

“No fade-walking for you tonight?” 

I asked. That’s what he preferred anyway. Wasting his presumably immortal life dreaming. I wondered if he planned on quitting that once he had his vision come true? Once his people were back. If not, then what the hell was the point? 

“Not tonight.”

“Right.” 

I sounded angry, even to my own ears. Which from his side wouldn’t make sense. He hadn’t done anything to me yet. I chugged the rest of my beer and sat it gently down on the bar. 

“Well, I’m gonna go see Horsie. Have a good night, Solas.”

I said his name to remind myself who he was. Who was hiding behind those alluring eyes and quick wits. 

“I’ll walk you. I have half a mind to see Harrit.”

I silenced a sigh.

“Alright.”

I couldn’t exactly say no. That wouldn’t be very Herald-y of me. People were watching. And not only his.

We left the tavern and started walking towards the gate. It was dark by now. Most people were either in the tavern, their own huts and tents or the Chantry. There really wasn’t much for entertainment here. Other than Maryden. Not that she wasn’t great. She was. Voice of an angel and she was beautiful too. What would be great was if someone put on a play or something. For the children. I’d watch any play right now. I hadn’t seen a show in… How long had I been here? Two months? It seemed like years. Like my real life was just a distant dream. Reverse dreaming. yay

“What is weighing on your mind, da’len?”

I’d done it again. Just disappeared into my own thoughts. 

“Sorry. I was just…” 

I shook my head, and then looked up at him. 

His eyes were already on me. It felt like he could see right through me, or wanted to at least. Like I was an especially complex rubix cube. Like a limited edition one. And this was his only shot at trying it. Well, keep trying bitch boy.

“Someone should put up a play. For the kids. They must be bored out of their minds.”

This time, he couldn’t hide his surprise. I don’t know what he thought was on my mind. But it was definitely not that. Maybe he thought I wouldn’t know about plays, or at least not like them.

“That was not what I expected.“

He admitted, to which I shrugged. We can’t all be thinking of genocide, can we? I didn’t think he expected much from anyone. How could he? We weren’t really people to him. We were a fake future he was working to eradicate. 

“I’d hate to be boring like that.”

I replied nonchalantly as we approached the stables. It was empty save for the horses. My Horsie was waiting impatiently in her cubicle. Sometimes I got the creeping suspicion that she could understand what I said to her. This was one of those times. I’d said I’d be back quickly. Somehow she had understood this and knew I was late. Maybe elves were horse whisperers? Could it be magic? Or was I simply very tired and was hallucinating.

Solas watched as I fed her the sugar cubes I’d smuggled from the Tavern. Well smuggled was a harsh word. I’d asked Flissa for one and she’d given me five. Bless that woman. I think Horsie thought she deserved more, but she still butted her head gently against mine as thanks before she laid down in her pod. I’d always thought horses stood as they slept, but Horsie always laid down. 

“You are not what I expected.”

Solas declared then, as I wiped the sugar from my hands onto my pants. It was dirty from travelling anyway. Still had some of my blood on it even. So really my hand was grosser than before. Where on earth was I gonna do laundry? In the frozen river? Uh, no thanks.

“I feel like we’ve had this conversation before.” 

I looked up at him with a sigh, but quickly averted my eyes from the intensity in his gaze, instantly feeling my cheeks and ears redden. When I’d gained my composure somewhat and turned to him again, he was standing a lot closer to me. A little too close. 

“I vividly remember that conversation ending with me cussing you out.”

I said, to remind him how unpleasant it had been. To remind him we were not a thing that was going to happen. To remind myself what a terrible idea that would be. To manifest it into the universe that this was not happening. It would only ever end with a broken heart and the loss of a hand. I didn’t want either.

But he was looking straight into my soul with those intense eyes of his. I didn’t back down from his gaze this time. No matter how long I stared at him no closer was I to identify the color of his eyes. Grey? Silvery golden? Blue? They gleamed with every color of the rainbow and I was rapidly losing my grip on reality. 

“How could I forget?” 

He murmured. His voice reverberated in my ears. It sounded like honey. That’s the only way I could describe it. Shivers ran down my spine. My eyes made the unfortunate mistake of dipping to his lips. They looked so soft. Suddenly they turned upwards and I realized I had been caught staring longingly at his lips. My blush deepened. The tips of my ears were probably beet red at this point. I swallowed and lifted my gaze back to his eyes. Which wasn’t much better. 

There was a hunger in his eyes now and it was infectious. The tension in the air was thick. It almost felt like lightning was about to strike. There was definitely something strange about the atmosphere around us. Could it be magic? And if so was it mine or his? It had to be mine. Lightning was the element I preferred, and Solas would have his magic under control. 

I could see my hand moving towards him before I realized what I was doing (and had a chance to think twice about it, let alone stop myself). I grabbed his shirt, my knuckles turning white with effort. My heart beat picked up its pace. His jaw clenched. At least he wasn’t unaffected by me. I’m not entirely sure what came over me just then, but I took a step closer, gazing deep into his eyes. There was a kind of smirk on my face, because I was in control here. I could see him waiting for me to make a move. I leaned closer, and so did he. Right before our lips would meet I halted. Just long enough for him to send me an exasperated look.

And then I kissed him. Everything around me fell out of existence. Became blurred shadows in the periphery. There was only us. Only his soft lips on mine. My hands gripping his shirt like my life depended on it. Like I would fall to my death if I let go. 

Wait. Hold up. No. This was wrong. I shouldn’t have-

I let go off his shirt and pulled away, taking a step back. 

My eyes found his again. Solas tsk-ed at me. Tsk-ed! My heart felt like a drummer’s beat on speed. And he was tsk-ing me! Absolutely not.

I opened my mouth to yell at him for it, but then he grabbed my hand and pulled me into his arms, crushing me against his chest. Before I could gather my thoughts, his arms were around me, as sure as one could get. I felt a rush of helplessness, the horrifying yielding of the truth, which was that I wanted this. I really wanted this. I wanted him. Wanted his arms around me. Wanted his lips on mine, and I wasn’t able to pull myself away from the want. To deny myself this any longer. I had tried to keep away for so long. But not anymore. The shock of my realization left me limp when he first bent down and brushed his lips against mine, softly at first. Then with a swift gradation of intensity that made me cling to him, burying my nails into his biceps as I kissed him back. His insistent mouth parted my lips, sending wild tremors along my nerves. It evoked sensations within me I couldn’t remember feeling before and I was no virgin. 

The kiss was the kind that broke open the sky. It stole my breath and gave it back. It showed me that every other kiss I’d ever had in my life had been wrong.

I wanted him to throw me against the wall and take me, right here right now. If simply kissing him was this good, then how amazing would the sex be? Would I be able to survive it?

I suddenly understood why people described kissing as melting because every square inch of my body dissolved into his. I had never wanted anyone like this before. Ever. He pushed me backward until my back met the wall with such a force my breath was almost knocked from me again. 

The weight of his body against mine was extraordinary. I felt him—all of him—pressed against me, and I inhaled that scent that was just … him. The most delicious smell I could ever imagine. I wanted to breathe him, lick him, eat him, drink him. His lips tasted like honey. His face had the slightest bit of stubble and it rubbed my skin but I didn’t care, I didn’t care at all. He felt wonderful. His hands were everywhere, and it didn’t matter that his mouth was already on top of mine, I wanted him closer. Closer. Closer. I was about to get my wish come true when-

“I read one of your books, Varric.”

Solas halted. His lips were still on mine though and I couldn’t quite place the voice over the loud beating of my stupid heart. My hands were about to rip Solas’ shirt apart and I had a leg around his hips. Solas had one hand in my hair and the other around my waste. His grip was almost bruising, just how I liked it. Rough.

“The whole book?”

Varric replied, and it sounded like they were approaching the stables. Shit. 

Solas seemed to come to the same conclusion. He let go of me. I could still feel the imprint of his hands as he took a step back to put some space between us. He gave me a mischievous look, to which I responded with a glare.

“Shut it. Anyway, it was boring. Your "adventures" are boring. I've seen way better just walking around.”

It was Sera’s voice. Sera and Varric and they were walking into the stables and they would see us and then they would know. I didn’t know what was worse. Making out with Solas like my life depended on it, or being caught by Varric and Sera. 

I was about to find out though. 

“You’ll be the death of me.”

Solas said then with a husky voice that made my breath hitch. He bent down and placed a quick kiss on my lips one last time before he made to leave. I didn’t stop him. My feet were like frozen to the ground. Except that I wasn’t cold. My skin felt like it was on fire, like I was melting and it was too late to do anything about it. I might have been holding my breath too. Which probably didn’t help the situation.

“That's because you do things. Escapist fiction for you would be cross-stitch or knitting.”

Varric told Sera as the doors to the stables opened.

“Oh! Knitting is brilliant! It's stabby sewing!”

Solas was by the door when they entered. 

“Master Tethras, Sera.” 

He greeted them with a nod before he left, as collected as ever. Maybe this was why the bastard was bald. No ruffled hair to give him away. As nothing significant had happened prior to them running into each other at this late hour. As if his lips hadn’t kissed mine. As if his hands hadn’t run through my hair, pulling on it. As if he hadn’t been crushing his body against mine, pushing me into the wall. As if we hadn’t been just about to-

“Chuckles.” 

The door closed behind them before they noticed me. I heard a sharp inhale of breath which I wasn’t sure came from me or them, and then Sera giggled nervously. 

“I can’t believe it! You and Solas!”

Varric sent me a look that I didn’t want to interpret. If he hadn’t already written about us in his book about me, I bet he was looking forward to doing it now. Getting it on in the stables. The chapter just about wrote itself.

“I’m gonna…” I cleared my voice and took a small step forwards. Just to make sure they weren’t actually frozen to the floor and that I could walk. “I’m gonna leave.”

I couldn’t remember the walk back to my hut. Suddenly I was in bed. 

Somehow I’d walked back, changed out of my dirty, bloodied clothes. Clothes that Solas had touched and gripped and probably had wanted to remove… 

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph.”

I said to no one in particular. I was alone. Solas hadn’t been waiting for me and I hadn’t walked to his hut. I didn’t know which part of my brain I had to thank for that, but I was grateful.

Could I possibly have a concussion? No, Solas had cleared me. Damn him. 

That meant I was truly out of my mind. I couldn’t believe what I’d done. Cause it was me who had initiated this all. I had kissed him first. And I wasn’t drunk in the slightest. I’d had one beer. I was completely responsible. I didn’t have anyone to blame but myself. 


	16. Aftermath

I tried to sleep. I really did. But everytime I closed my eyes I was back in the stables and Solas’ lips were on mine. His hands were roaming my body and pushing me into the wall. He’d bite my neck and grip my ass, and come on! Who wouldn’t be turned on by that? As disgusted as I was with myself, it just felt like I literally had no control over my own bodily reactions to this man. This fucking evil egg. So what was a girl to do? 

A super treacherous part of my brain suggested I go seek Solas’ out. To finish what we’d started. My body thought that was an excellent idea. My brain and I only considered it for like half a second.

No. Absolutely not. I wasn’t going to be that Lavellan. Not again. I’d been that Lavellan 19 times playing the game. I would not make this the 20th. It wouldn’t be different this time. I wasn’t stupid enough to think that I’d be different. That I was special. The man had one goal and didn’t involve a silly little romance with a girl that wasn’t even a tenth of his age. Engaging in an affair with me was just to get closer to me for his own gain. To make me like him. So I would ask him for advice. So I would consider him when making decisions. So that I would give him that orb when the time came. So that he could learn all the plans of the Inquisition and use it for his own evil plans. 

The lack of judgement I’d shown was unbelievable. 

I was saved from my own critique by the sound of something scraping on my door. Could it be Solas? I hoped it wasn’t. I was scared I might completely throw my morals out the window yet again. Maybe he was bad in bed? If he was bad in bed, then I wouldn’t want him anymore, right? I put on a robe and walked to the door to see who it was. 

“Where have you been?”

Four black eyes stared back up at me. No answer. But what was I to expect? Mabaris wasn't exactly known for their ability to talk. I still felt like I was entitled to an answer. I hadn’t seen them since I visited Leliana. I mean. I know you don’t need to put a leash on a mabari. But it was a little difficult to swallow that they were like cats in the sense that you could just let them roam around freely. My own dog would run off as soon as I let him off the leash. And yes, I had taken several puppy classes. My dog was a menace outside, but an angel inside. 

I sighed. 

“Very well, come on in.” 

I opened the door for them and they immediately went to lay down by my bed in front of the fireplace. Someone was quickly getting used to life as very spoiled dogs. How did they even know where I was? I hadn’t shown them the little hut. I hadn’t gotten the chance. Could they smell me all the way here? Did I need a bath that bad? Probably. But how was I to do that? I had a tub, but no water. I wasn’t that confident I’d be able to heat the water without scolding myself either. A bath would have to wait. 

I realized I’d been standing in the doorway, staring at nothing and closed the door abruptly, turning to walk back inside. Sleep was futile. I wouldn’t be getting any. It was at that time that I remembered my little damaged book. Tales of a world traveller. I’d been meaning to read it for so long, but then shit had literally hit the fan and I hadn’t had any time. But now! Now was a perfect time.

Now, where did I put it? Solas had ‘found’ it, and then given it back, and then we’d gone to the Storm Coast. Probably still in my bag then. The bag that somehow was still soaking wet even though it had been left to dry. Shit. I looked through it and what do you know. The book was at the bottom, soaked all the way through. I took it out and gave it a shake. It was so wet I almost tried to twist the water out of it like you would with a rag. Ruined. I was a fucking idiot. I shouldn’t have brought it to the Storm Coast. I knew what weather would meet me there. I had to take a moment of silence. This amount of stupidity and carelessness even outranked my making out with Solas. I truly believed that.

But wait. Maybe I could fix it? I didn’t have a hair dryer, but I had the second next best thing. Well maybe not second next, but it was something. My magic. I could try and magically dry it. Solas would probably be able to do it perfectly, make it good as new, but we all knew why I wouldn’t be seeking him out this night. 

I put it on the table and took a deep breath. Jesus give me strength, not to mention Allah, or Shiva or anyone who might be listening, Mythal, June, Andruil. Please. Anyone. I need to dry this book without ruining it.

I put my palms out and stared intently at the wet book. 

“You are going to be just fine, just perfect. I am going to fix you. Okay?”

(Un)Surprisingly, the book didn’t answer either. I didn’t always talk to inanimate objects, and when I did, they never replied. Kind of disappointing, to be honest.

It sounds creepy to say that I conjured the flame. Cause of that movie, you know. What I did was kind of willing my hands to be warm, to be like hair dryers. I imagined myself drying the book like I would if I had hand dryers. And to my surprise, it looked like it was working. 

I didn’t even notice I’d closed my eyes as I was concentrating before the smell hit me. The smell of something burning. I opened my eyes to see the book of fire. See, this is exactly how I’d assumed this would be going. Did that mean I’d made it catch on fire deliberately somehow? Because I didn’t have faith in myself? Dwelling is for when things aren’t on fire, a little voice in my head told me. Which yeah. Good point. I grabbed a mug of water and poured it over the book. It stopped the fire. But now the book was worse off than when I had started. It would have been better to just let the pages dry on their own. 

Scooby and Snoopy sent me sympathetic looks, like they somehow understood what a complete and utter fiasco I was and wanted to convey that they still loved me. Or maybe I was putting too much meaning into it. There had been a fire on my desk, how could they not be looking?

If there had been a camera in my room at this point, you’d best believe I’d be staring into it like I was on the office. Sadly, there was just me and my newly adopted mabaris. 

“Now what?”

Scooby stretched and showed me his belly, Snoopy followed suit. And I couldn’t exactly argue with that. What better did I have to do? I’d only just ruined the book that might hold some answers for me. So I sat down and rubbed their bellies.

…

I was abruptly awakened by my pillow moving. I forced my eyes open and realized I’d somehow fallen asleep on the floor, using Scooby as a pillow. Had chiropractors been invented yet? I sure needed to see one right about now. Christ. 

I got up on my feet and stretched my back, which didn’t even help remotely despite the cracking sounds I managed to coerce out of my body. 

Exiting my little hut I made my way to where Leliana was usually camped out. 

“There’s no news.” 

She said as I entered her tent. As usual there was a big pile of letters on her desk. Ravens were chilling here and there, some were sleeping, others were having a snack. I hadn’t seen my raven in a while, but I assumed it was fine. It lived it’s own life and I didn’t exactly have use of it while I was here in Haven.

I sighed even though I wasn’t particularly surprised. She threw me a sympathetic look as I propped down on a chair. 

“Maybe we aren’t meant to find him. Maybe I have to make the choice between templars and mages.”

What good was having all this knowledge of what was to happen if you weren’t able to use it? It was unfair.

“What choice would you make if that was the case?”

She asked carefully. 

I grabbed a banana from a fruit basket and started peeling it. It wasn’t a difficult choice. I’d made the choice many times before and only once had I swayed from my usual decision. It had never seemed like a real choice anyway. I felt bad for the templars yes, but the mages had been as good as sold off as slaves, and I knew what that future looked like for the rest of Thedas as well. I was still trying to come up with a way I could avoid seeing it at all, but I had come up empty handed. 

“The mages.” 

Leliana nodded, the relief in her eyes was evident. I don’t know why it surprised her. I was a dalish mage after all in this world, and even when I’d been a human in a different world my choice was still the same. 

“So when will you go?”

My mouth was full of banana so I shrugged. I’d still be thrown into the future anyway, it wouldn’t really matter. Unless… Unless I went there in secret. If I snook in like an Assassin’s Creed character and sought out Dorian on my own. Maybe we could concoct a plan that didn’t involve that grim future and all that came with it. I didn’t want to see all my friends dying even though it would be reversed. If it was reversed. What if I fucked up and just ended up speeding up this world’s demise. Shit. 

I proposed it to Leliana, not the possibility of me fucking up though. I didn’t have to for her to consider that possibility. I could see it on her face. I hadn’t told her everything about this future, but enough for her to understand what was at stake. I was almost expecting her to say no because of how long she took to digest it all. 

“If I don’t hear back from you in one week, I’m sending the cavalry after you.”

She said strictly. 

I’ll be damned. Here it seems I’ve come up with a good idea for once. I didn’t exactly make up for my actions the day before, but it made it a little better, like a tiny band aid over an earthquake. Also it would give me a natural reason to avoid Solas. Yes! This was going to solve everything!

“Cool! Thanks!” 

Suddenly invigorated with newfound energy, I jumped up from the chair and nearly ran back to my cabin to pack up. I was gonna meet Dorian finally! Strange how you could miss someone you’d technically never met. But here I was, missing him. Ecstatic to actually meet him for the first time! We were gonna be the best friends ever!

Leliana had somehow taken care of all the arrangements needed: My horse was ready and saddled with rations and weapons. A cloak had been laid out so I could travel without being noticed as it was a regular cloak, no sign of the Inquisition on any of my possessions. I could pass for a lone dalish traveller. Somehow she’d even located my raven. Now that was the most impressive feat. What a woman!

I only stopped so my horse could rest, and made it to Redcliffe in 4 days. That left me 3 days to try and solve this. 


End file.
